Quincy Speaks in Sacrament Meeting

I copied and pasted the talk Quincy wrote to give in sacrament meeting today.

In 2016, Elder Jeffrey R Holland said, “If we give our heart to God, if we love the Lord Jesus Christ, if we do the best we can to live the Gospel, then tomorrow-- and every other day-- is ultimately going to be magnificent, even if we don’t always recognize it as such. Why? Because our Heavenly Father wants it to be! He wants to bless us. A rewarding, abundant, and eternal life is the very object of his merciful plan for His children!  It is a plan pred-i-cated on the truth “THAT ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD TO THEM THAT LOVE GOD.” 

I would like to give some personal applications of this truth to you today.  

A few years ago my family experienced a series of traumatic events that led to me developing debilitating anxiety.  Excessive worry, fear, rage, and overwhelming grief affected my ability to function. And honestly I was not a super delightful person to be around. Although I did not choose these hard trials, I recognize that they were part of a process that taught me self control and made me a stronger and more empathic person over time.  

Instead of talking about the trials, I would like to share a few of the blessings that came from this process that testify of the truth that “all things work together for good.” 

First, some sisters in the Relief Society followed promptings from the Spirit and decided to  minister to me through friendship.  Even though they were adults and not my family members, they totally became my besties and showered me with love and took me in as their friend.  

Their impact on my life was influential and a very real reminder to me that I am loved and  Heavenly Father loved me and will always send me help. 

Some ways I sought out guidance were through prayer and attending the temple to do baptisms for the first time.  I was given a Father’s Blessing from my father, and a Priesthood blessing from my Bishop. In this blessing I was counseled to become a better personal record keeper through journaling. Journaling is still something I love to do when I want to relax. 

My mom did a bunch of research on trauma and we worked together using what she learned to help me understand what I was going through.  She was a constant presence during some really intense panic attacks.  This process really helped us to bond and fortify our relationship to be even stronger than it was before.  She also taught me about my ancestry.  My great grandma, Myrtle Tenney, also experienced anxiety and depression after a series of significant trials.  I learned about how she spent her life faithfully serving others and chose to not be hardened by the burdens she bore. I am thankful for the example of the strong women who came before me and for the closeness I felt to them.   

There is a song on my favorite radio station (air 1, check it out guys) with lyrics based on the scripture Deuteronomy 31:8. “And the Lord...doth before thee; He will be with thee, He will not fail thee, neither forsake: fear not, neither be dismayed.”  I love that this song says (and I won’t be singing it for you) “I know who goes before me, I know who stands behind, the God of Angel Armies is always by my side.  

George Q Cannon once taught: “No matter how serious the trial, how deep the distress, how great the affliction, [God] will never desert us.  He never has, and He never will. He cannot do it.   It is not His character to do so.  He will always stand by us.   We may pass through the fiery furnace; we may pass through deep waters; but we shall not be consumed nor overwhelmed.   We shall emerge from all of these trials and difficulties the better and purer for them.” 

During this time of trials and uncertainty in my life, I attended a series of therapy sessions.  I worked hard to develop skills in recognizing anxiety and what the triggers are and I practiced methods for copeing.  All of these things had a greater purpose for good.  I benefited so much from these tools that I still use several of them in my daily life and routine.  I have had a lot of opportunities to share what I know with others.  I am good at helping my own siblings when they are struggling, and just recently,  I was in the right place at the right time to help a friend who needed exactly the tools I had worked so hard to master.  Sharing these skills with another peer changed my perspective on how the Lord uses both our trials and our triumphs to bless others.  This summer I was able to go out into the community and do some service hours assisting another local therapist in helping teach young children with trauma these same copeing mechanisms. 

The things I have learned from passing through very difficult situations have become an important part of who I am. My trials included an unfathomable amount of loss and unexpected trauma. But bearing the burden of grief has given me gifts that will last much longer than any of the temporal or material things that I lost.  

Elder Holland continued to encourage us with this message, “So keep loving. Keep trying. Keep trusting.  Keep believing. Keep growing. Heaven is cheering you on today, tomorrow, and forever.”  

I wish I had written that. 

Isn’t that so good. 

I would like to add my testimony to his loving words that this principle is true and everything will work out. Because of the Atonement, Jesus Christ understands everything we ever have and ever will experience.  He is here for all of it and we are never alone, and will always stand beside us, I bear this testimony in the name of Jesus Christ Amen. 

Wet Willies

The Rogers Aquatic Center is called Wet Willies. Naturally, we had to go take a dip on the last weekday of summer break.  We spent a few hours slipping and sliding, floating in the lazy river, swimming, playing water basketball and doing the obstacle course. it started to get crowded and “felt Covid-ey” so decided to break for an hour for food, and on our way back to the pool, the sky lit up, then cracked open and released a downpour in a wicked wild thunderstorm.  We made it home, the late afternoon sky was black and the temp dropped 29 degrees in one hour! It began to hail, and Adrian suggested we dry off, eat cookies, and watch Home Alone. Yes. Excellent idea. 

Quincy on What Women Want.

Quincy: what do women want? Pockets!  We don’t want crop tops! We want the rest of the shirt back and we want pockets. 

Day dates

We’ve reached the point in summer where I wake up in a panic every morning with an urge to seize the day and soak up every drop. 

Actually, that has basically been the entire summer. 

This week has been heavy with schedule problems, more placement tests (soooo many) a zillion phone calls to get the ACT scheduled, etc. 

Between the craziness of back to school appointments (there are SO many!), we are playing hard at book stores and creeks and thrift shops and eating all the things.  

We just want to be together as much as possible before we are sliced up and served like pie all over NWA. 

Cucumbers

Soren waters the garden and pics one cucumber every day. They’re his favorite and we cannot produce enough to stuff our faces as much as we would like. Every time he brings one in, he shows it off to everyone, washes it, then slices it up and serves it with all the little rounds spread out into a smiley face on a plate. 

One on one with Sloane

Aaron took the big kids out for a date this afternoon. While the twins napped. I had a little one on one time with Sloane. It felt like we stepped back in time 2 years. We snuggled on the sofa and she practiced flash cards and read a book to me, we shared a snack, and I watched her give a 15 minute performance of her “show” with baby dolls. It warmed my heart and filled both of our cups.

Stay little just a bit longer. Sloanie! 

Retro Arcade

We are dwindling down to the last few days of summer which means friends are on last minute getaways and we are feeling that same irresistible pull to run away but we are unable to cross state lines or miss a weekend court ordered visit. So we are filling our data with local adventures and living it up. 

Also, I cry a lot. It’s hitting me SO hard that this is our “last summer” before Reese leaves for college and I just can’t hang with it. We’re feeling very not free during a season where we wish we could be free to skip off to California or any coastline for uninterrupted togetherness during these last unscheduled days. We are having fun together here in NWA though, and on a rainy afternoon last week we found pizza at pipe loft then hit up the retro arcade in Fayetteville. 

Long live summer break. 

Siloam Springs Kayak Park

The other mothers

I found out today that the bio mother of one of the  children we fostered is dead. 

I predicted this would happen and I hate that it happened.  

I mothered this woman’s child.  I feel connected to her.  I went to her hearing after an arrest and wasn’t allowed in. Did she know I wondered and worried about her? That I kept her baby safe and hoped she was safe?  That I called CASA and DHS months and years after the case closed to express concerns and no one heard me and no one followed up on a closed case.  She was overlooked, or only seen for mistakes and problems, and unseen once the case closed.  

To me, she was not invisible. Her life mattered even when it seemed no one was rooting for her. 

This system. 

This cycle. 

These children.  

We’ve got to do better.  

I have so many more thoughts about all of this, about her. My feelings are big. I don’t really expect anyone to quite understand…because who can relate to the death of your temporary baby mama?  But my mind spent a LOT of time emotionally connecting with and knowing this woman without ever even formally meeting her. I hope she knew that at least one person out there was thinking about her, wondering if she was safe, sheltered, and sober.  And even though she never saw me there, I hope she knows someone showed up, and someone notices and cares that she is gone.  

To the other mama: there’s rest and work waiting for you on the other side. May you feel welcomed, seen, and whole there. 

Rest In Peace, 

The Other Other Mama.