On not wanting to leave this warm and lovely place.

On our last morning here we were bid farewell by a schoolif dolphins and the most beautiful sunrise I've ever seen. 

We huddled together under blankets and watched in quiet reverence. Good morning, Sunday. Goodbye, Orange Beach. 

Orange Beach, Alabama

Yesterday, we packed up the van and hit the road for the Gulf of Mexico. We found a deal on a condo that had a last minute cancellation and decided to jump on it and I am happy we did. The drive was awesome, the condo is lovely, and when I woke up this morning, I opened my eyes to this:

Good Morning, Spring Break. 

I totally love you. 

Herbs.

This happened today. 

Sound the trumpet, there are fresh herbs in my home again! The rosemary and lemon thyme have already been added to the artisan bread dough I have rising for book club tomorrow. The houseplant in the teal pot is for Frances, and the basil in the green pot is for Laura the Great. Anyway, it felt good to get my hands dirty and pot these little guys. I'll be babying these little darlings in pots indoors for the next few weeks so they'll be a decent size by the time the garden has ready. They smell wonderful. Like springtime. 

Dressing the naked walls of this house

I've had a difficult time making up my mind deciding where to hang things in this home and result has been 6 months of barren walls. Today I took Corbin to school and said, "No more!" to the non-personalized spaces. I can always move things around if I change my mind about them later. For now, photos are going up! 

Guys, hanging pictures on a stair well is no joke. I found myself teetering precariously with hammer or drill in hand a few times and decided this task was not for the faint of heart. Our family pictures, on the other hand, are totally a joke. The last time we took portraits, Quincy was 18 months old. Soren didn't even make the "wall of shame" as my parents would call it, and the only evidence of Corbin's existence are the newborn pics I added up there. For family pictures, I'd like to be outside, ButI really love the white backdrop for the kid portraits, and need to just find a place that will take some, and throw them up there. Curse Picture People for closing their business! It was too easy while it lasted. Aside from a few minor adjustments and replacing the mattes, I like the way it turned out. And I also like that there is no longer a huge stack of frames piled up in the corner of the play room. One corner at a time...

I really need to remember to wait until nap time to do stuff like this. Soren followed me around like a little buddy and handed me all the things I wasn't holding. It was adorable until he tripped on the tile and busted his upper lip open. Blood everywhere! That poor baby. Where's his mother and why doesn't she watch him? ;) he looks extra kissable today with his fat lip. 

I also got around to dressing some shelves and hanging the growth chart I made. I thought I would love that some of my milk bottle collection is on display, but I already feel like the shelves are crowded. They'll stay like this for awhile and be thinned out as soon as I get the shelves built in the loft.

My friend Carly dropped off this cute craft the day after I miscarried and I just love it so much. Maybe I blogged about it already? It seems like I did, but I'm losing it so just in case, here it is (again). It says, "life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful." I love the message, I love the thoughtfulness behind the gift, and I love the pretty reminder to love life and all experiences it offers me.

The word "sea" also has some significance. A reminder to both Aaron and I of our coastal upbringing, a reminder to take our children to the beach and let them be messy, sand covered, and care free while they soak up our favorite place. And the pun lover in me appreciates the homophone "sea" that also reminds me to "see".  Last month we focused on gratitude and of course, had a horrible month with a broken leg, never ending winter storms, and a miscarriage to boot. My extended family also climbed a mountain of hardship last month and I really had to cling to gratitude to help me get through some awful days.  The "sea" in silver letters remind me to take a good look around and "see" the silver lining of my beautiful life. I live in a sparkling ocean of goodness and when I just remember to look, I see the shining sea of blessings and swim in waves of happiness. 

My plan is to get the children's artwork up tomorrow. It's going to require a ladder and some serious balancing, so if I actually do it, I will post a picture. 

Spring School Pictures and Personality Differences

Quincy: "Mom, check out how good I look! 

Reese: "Mom, it was so awkward. They like moved my face around and told me to smile weird like that." 

I texted the pics to my mom and regarding Reese's pic, she said, "Cute! But what is that cat she is wearing?" 

My reply: "Her agency."

Anyway, non-recognizable smiles and creepy car sweaters aside, they're still pretty darling pics of extra darling little girls, if you ask me. And girls, you don't gave to pose to be beautiful to me. 

Date Night(s) with the Willys

Rogers Little Theater presented Les Miserables and one of our friends was in the show. We got lucky and nabbed the two very last general admission seats to a sold out performance. It was incredible. Well done, Ron! I was also particularly impressed by the kids who played young Cosette and Gavroche. Wow. I've been to broadway and other big productions where the child actors were not nearly as talented. These kids were nothing short of amazing. Well done on the casting, and vocals, RLT! The entire performance was wonderfully done and a real treat for the ears. We will be seeing a Les Mis performed again this summer when we go to Ca. My sister is the musical director for the San Bentio production, and my brother in law will be playing Javert. That alone will make it a great show. Josh has the perfect voice for Javert and any musical Amy does the music for is guaranteed to be good.

 I was just talking to a friend of mine about how I don't even know the story behind a lot of musicals because there are so many I haven't actually seen, but grew up listening to the music for. Music has filled my life from the plays I was in as a young child and sitting in on my sisters' rehearsals and performances. we all spent years listening to Amy share her gifts as she taught voice lessons for hours after school in our living room, and I eventually attended many piano, voice, and violin lessons of my own. Our family was constantly on a schedule for SVCT plays when I was very little up until the Odyssey Theatre Company, GHS productions, and Chamber Choir when I was older. I definitely feel the void of theatre arts in my home now, but I'm thankful to have a few places to attend quality live theatre locally. If RLT ever does Into the Woods or any of my other all time favorites, I'll be there with bells on toes to audition ;) but it's funny how quickly a talent leaves you when you're not using it. My violin is honestly of more use holding dust bunnies, my feeble piano skills are gone, and just last week I had the opportunity to speak in front of a room full of women and I ended up reading what I had to say and avoiding eye contact on purpose. Give me a room full of four year olds, any day instead of adults, please. Or just let me write what I have to say and I will happily hide behind my pen and paper.  I do miss music though and and currently trying to get more of it into my home when my children are little. 

On Friday night, Aunt Kasey made a wonderfully grand gesture and brought pie over for pi day (3.14) and then tucked our loveys into bed so Aaron and could go on a dinner date. Did I mention she is the best friend ever? She is. But don't get any ideas, she's taken! 

We had dinner at one of our favorites, Table Mesa (new to Bville friends: have you been there, yet?) Here's what you need to order: chips and guac or hummus platter to start, along with two orders of sweet potato fries with the caramel praline sauce. For dinner, split the pork flautas. If you're a dessert person (if you're not, consider changing your ways, because you should be) go for the key lime tres leches. Killer. 

We usually have our dates on Saturday night, but since it was Friday we remembered the art museum was still open, so we headed over there to walk around sans the littles. The new exhibit was sold out but we had a good time soaking up the permanent collection and talking about our favorites in the company of just each other. 

We talked a bit about how much better the options for culture in NWA have gotten since we moved here. Our parents  did a good job exposing us to many kids of music and performing arts and as our children grow, we are grateful to have enough available locally to do the same service for them. 

Three cheers for the arts and date nights! 

Sugar Creek Ward Baptism Preview and Priesthood Preview

Catching up.

A few weeks ago, the Sugar Creek Ward Primary hosted a Baptism preview and a Priesthood preview for all of the children and parents of children turning 8 or 12 in 2014. 

There are 19 children in our ward who will be turning 8 this year and be old enough to chose to be baptized.  I wish I had taken more/better photos because it was a very special evening. 

The program included talks about baptism from our bishopric, a what to expect/planning info from our ward baptism coordinator, a welcome to cub scouts for the boys and a welcome to activity days for the girls from our Cub Scout and Activity Days leaders, and a testimony from the Primary president (me). I think the kids' favorite part was checking out the baptismal font. 

First of all, hats off to my presidency. I serve with the greatest women. They are dedicated, talented, prayerful, thoughtful, and all so so so very easy to work with. I love them so much and I love how devoted they are to helping the children in our ward grow closer to Christ. 

Our secretary made the cutest handouts and desserts for both previews. I don't know how I would do my calling without the support of my awesome presidency. They do so much. In our planning meetings, I never have to ask them to do anything because they are always one step ahead of me. Their work makes my calling so much easier. 

The Priesthood preview was in the primary room. Since I was conducting the baptism preview, I didn't get to hear much of the Priesthood Preview, but the feedback from the 11year old boys and their families was great. The bishopric, Young Men's program leaders, and deacon's quorum president spoke about the blessings of the Priesthood, preparing to receive the Priesthood, and a welcome to the Young Men's program and Boy Scouts. 

Above are some cute handouts my secretary made about Priesthood power and attached to bottles of powerade --seriously, so creative! Below is our Bishop with the deacon's quorum president. He is an awesome kid and even got all of his peers to fold up chairs, vacuum the rooms, and clean up after the meetings. Great job, boys!

It's been a adventure with these 11 year old boys. They've been a little wild and less-than-enthusiastic about participating in sharing time on Sundays. In the last few weeks there has been a great change in their attitudes and they are more respectful and active in the discussions, share their testimonies willingly, and set a good example for the younger boys. I can tell they are ready to graduate from Primary. 

It was a special night for me to share with so many children who are preparing to make covenants and advance in primary. I got to share the night with my little Quincy, who I can't believe will be old enough for baptism this year! 

Her favorite part of the meeting was singing the songs about baptism. The picture above isn't from the preview night, but from Christmas morning, but I love it so much I had to post it. It is SO Quincy. Light and love, excitement and creativity, full speed ahead. She lives with  joy, come what may. This year will be a special one for her as she prepares to take upon the name of Christ and be baptized. 

Temple trip

Thursday and Friday were our stake Fill The Temple Day. We decided to make a mini vaycay out of it and took the kids out of school Thursday for some family time. 

We left Wednesday night when Aaron got home and headed for OKC. 

The children were stoked to be staying in a hotel and fell asleep quickly. It was after 10pm when we got settled. They were crazy crabby the next day but we just kept them loaded up on junk food and made the most of it and they all crashed on the way home Thursday. 

Aaron and I don't have children sleep in our bed, aside from the very rare special circumstance. In the hotel we fell asleep with Corbin between us and he stayed there for the night. I never understood why anyone would co-sleep with children. I don't judge others if that's how they roll, it's just not our thing. We never "got" why anyone would choose restless nights with everyone cramped and jetting kicked in the face all night by a kid, let alone the intimacy/privacy thing. I will say that I kind of get it now after our night with snuggly Corbin between us. He was warm and cuddly and it was like having a personal heater in our bed all night. We don't plan on changing our "no kids with us in our bed at night" policy at home, but I do see the positive side of co-sleeping after our all night snuggle fest in the hotel with Corbin. I also got kicked and kneed in the back and smacked in the face enough times to limit our wonderful experience to a one time event. ;) 

On Thursday, we met up with Zebleys, who had the same mini vaycay plan as us, and we hired sweet Hannah to babysit in the meeting house on the temple grounds while we were in the temple. It worked out perfectly! 

 I hope we will have a temple in NWA someday...and I hope it comes sooner than later! I'm thankful for the peace and perspective I feel when we are there and leave with clarity and understanding and feelings of love and happiness. Doing temple work makes me feel connected to  others and reminds me that we are all God's children. Zebley's had brought family names with them and we were able to do work for a couple of Eric's ancestors. I'm thankful for the sealing ordinances of the temple that bind my family together forever. 

These were our children within 2 minutes of pulling out of the temple parking lot. Exhausted much? Hahaha! 

They were happy to wake up for a side trip to Pop's, a dive diner on Route 66. The walls of the building are made of glass shelves and lined with thousands of  soda pop in every flavor you could imagine from "pumpkin", "communist Leninade", "monster lime slime", and "pirate piss" to "watermelon", "bacon" and "beef jerkey". The Super fun! 

We let the children each pick out a flavor and put together an assorted six pack of soda. 

The choices were orange dreamsicle, strawberry cream, strawberry watermelon, bug juice, irish cream soda rootbeer, and fudge brownie cookie dough---which was Aaron's choice against my advice. 

SO gross. One sip was all anyone could handle and I even spit that sip out. The children also picked out a candy from the old school candy bar selection of zero bars, zebra stripe gum, missile suckers and cow tails to name a few. The food was excellent and Pop's was a great adventure!

We grilled dinner when we got home and Aaron left to help out a friend in the hospital. When he got in late that night I commented about how exhausted he must be after the restless night, early morning, adventurous day, long drive home and then being out to visit his friend, etc. He just shrugged it off like it was no big deal, even though I could tell as he collapsed into bed that he was far beyond tired. He is such a good example to me of serving others with a willing heart and happy attitude. 

One of the greatest blessings that always seems to come to our family after attending the temple is an increase in capacity to work joyfully. 

Homemade Samoas

Last night was the 12 and up session of stake conference at the church. Aaron went and I stayed home with the children and we invited some friends over to play so the parents could go together. Sometimes having a house full of children is crazy but last night was just perfect! Everyone got along beautifully and we had so much fun! 

I have been dreaming about these cookies ever since Katie and Kasey both made them a few months ago and I pretty much ate all of them. I made them with some of the kids last night and they were delicious and easy.

 

Homemade Samoas (original

Recipe by Katie, who is amazing and takes the time to toast the coconut herself and add it to caramel. This is a cheater version, but she definitely gets the creds for being the mastermind behind these beauties.) 

Betty Crocker sugar cookies

German chocolate coconut pecan frosting

Ghirardelli dark melting chocolate

Make drop cookies and let cool

Frost.

Drizzle with chocolate. 

Congratulations! You're fatter now, and better for it. Homemade Girl Scout cookies. Get on it! 

Leprechaun Traps

The children are determined to catch a sneaky leprechaun, this year! We made traps as a family tonight and the kitchen is covered in Lucky Charms, green construction paper, and a lot of gold glitter! 

Reese's trap is a goldfish box with leprechaun snacks at the top. The leprechaun climbs the rope, follows the gold path to the snacks, then falls through a trap door. 

Quincy's trap is baited with a note and a bucket of gold. The leprechaun follows the instructions on the note, "pull rope and gold will come down on you." But when the rope is pulled, the lid to the box closes and traps the leprechaun inside. 

Corbin's trap has a ladder up to a gold trail that leads to a big hole. There is a bucket of lucky charms dangling over the hole and when the leprechaun tries to eat it, he will fall in the hole and get stuck on a bunch of tape. 

No leprechauns were harmed during the making of this post, but a lot of Lucky Charms were eaten. 

2014 Garden Prep

I've been working hard to get some garden beds prepped so we can have a small garden this year. I have really missed my fresh herbs, summer and fall produce, and the therapeutic peace that comes from working outside. 

We're having a fence built soon (I will never ever ever build my own again in Bella Vista rock soil. So many grey hairs!) and when it's finished, I have a grand terraced garden planned for the back yard. Knowing the amount of time it will take me to dig and build leveled beds, I panicked a little when I thought about having to wait so long to plant anything. I decided to put my recycled pieces from the raised beds from the old house into use.

Shoveling rocks is no joke! My back and arms ached for days after clearing our these spaces. With the parts of the old beds I was able to salvage enough to assemble 3 square beds and two long beds. That will at least be enough for this year. We don't have a lot of direct sun in the yard so I hope our garden will be successful! I also have 4 trees that need to be cut down soon. We've been saving all of the money from my preschool in a separate account and there's enough in there to pay for the tree removal, a fence and garden and some other large projects, so that's pretty exciting. It feels awesome to not dip into our budget for projects. 

It's coming along and I'm slowly leveling them out as I clear the rocks out. In the future, these beds will hold the herbs, strawberries, and asparagus, but I'll probably fill them with tomatoes, squash, and peppers this year because I cant bear to go another summer without them. I'm really looking forward to having a garden again! This hobby brings me a lot of sanity, teaches my children the benefits of hard work, adds beauty to our yard,  puts good on our table, and brings me closer to friends as we share ideas and things we grow. The garden will be small this year, but it is mighty in purpose.

A Letter for Frances

Remember when I took the girls caroling at Concordia at Christmastime and Q fell in love with a 100 year old lady named Frances? Well she talks about her all the time, and made her a card last week. 

It was harder than I thought it would be to track her down. Apparently Frances was a very popular baby girl name 100 years ago. After many phone calls we found her and scheduled a playdate for Quincy with her new BFF.  

We went to Concordia after church on Sunday and the children were armed with cards, pictures, and letters. 

We were well received. Frances showed us her treasures and answered Quincy's many important questions, like, "What is your favorite color?" and, "When is your birthday?" I'm also very glad Frances is hard of hearing because the first thing Quincy said after marching on up to her in her room was, "Well Frances, I'm surprised to see you here. Most people start to die when they get to be 100." 

I know that at some point I need to teach Quincy to exercise some amount of filtering before she speaks, but I also just really love the bold honesty of her words. 

We learned that Frances will be turning 102 next week and that her favorite color is aquamarine. We also learned that she is a bit of a minimalist. Her room is very neat, especially for someone her age. Her side table and little shelf were full of treasures and necessities, but every other surface of her room was very tidy, with very few possessions. A covered sewing machine on the desk, some relics on the walls, a neat stack of folded blankets, a quilt and one pillow on her adorable jenny lind antique twin bed. It's interesting to think that after living almost 102 years, all that this woman has to her name can be displayed in a tiny bedroom. It is a happy place full of things that she loves, and very clear from the messages on her walls that the things she loves are not "things". Her room is clean, simple, and lovely. 

Look at those faces. Frances took to the children right away and asked a few times if we were "part of her relations."  We replied, "No, we just really like you!" The staff later informed me that Frances never married or had children and the few family members she has nearby (a couple of nieces) haven't visited her until recently when she turned 100, and even then only come by twice a year around her birthday and Christmas. 

Quincy's eyes lit up at the thought of another birthday to celebrate. We will go back for her party next week, and Quincy is on a mission to find an aquamarine flower pot to give her.

Frances gave the children a hard candy, much to Corbin's delight. I was also a little surprised by Corbin's gentleness with her. He sat on the side of Frances' chair and stroked her arms and patted her back lovingly and was totally aware of how fragile she is and how much she needed his tender affection. 

After our 20 minute visit with Frances, we walked the hall quietly and visited with anyone who welcomed us there. A man named Dennis had a conversation with them all and invited us to come back and visit anytime. He walked us out and said, "goodbye, wonderful children, come see us again!" 

We will definitely be back to visit. The total time we spent at Concordia was probably only 30 minutes but in that short time the children received valuable lessons on service, friendship, aging, and compassion that I could never have taught them with words. 

When I was very young, my brother and I had a friend named, Margaret. She was really Scotty's friend... I think he was only 6 when they met while she was taking a walk down our street and he was out playing in the front yard and he asked her, "What are you?" her reply was, "I'm a Grandma, what are you?" As I grew older, I joined him on visits to her room at the retirement home at the end of our street, and later, my friends Annie and Emily went over there with me a few times, too.  I have memories of walking down and "picking her up" for walks and she would tell us stories while we walked. We'd make cards and pick flowers for her and probably knocked on her door way too often, but she always had us inside and gave us See's caramel suckers. 

There is so much to be gained from these special friendships and it pleases me that little Quincy has adopted a "Margaret" for our family to grow to love. I see many visits to Concordia in our future. 

"This one. Smile, Frances, you're the oldest woman in the room." 

Gift Exchanging with Grief

I had a miscarriage last week.

Every time I go through this it does not get easier.
Though lacking in ease, Grief has yet to fail me in allowing a valuable exchange to occur in the time after despair has circled the drain, and my emotions have run dry and left me with emptiness. The hollow slowly refills and becomes a reservoir of something valuable: understanding, empathy, color, appreciation, humility, etc. and these are reserves that can stay with me forever to bless others.

Today I have ounces of strength trickling into the bottom of my well.

I am strong enough to power through a horrible experience.
I am strong enough to accept and take in the sadness of this and not be absent from the rest of my life. I am strong enough to still do what needs to be done and extract something good from doing it.

I am strong enough to take care of my little family and let my little family take care of me. 

I am strong enough to love and share joy in the four babies that were born to my friends and family this week, and I'm strong enough to be happy for two friends who excitedly announced healthy pregnancies this week.
I am strong enough to ask for help, say no to extra, and delegate. 

I am strong enough to be happy. I know this because this morning I woke up in grey, pulled a pillow over my head, cried a prayer out loud for knowledge, will, courage, and strength…and I knew right away what I needed to do to get myself together and take in some happiness today.

                      

And I am strong because I did it. 

 I placed a stop in my emotional drain and let my soul refill with drops of strength and happiness. Today was not an easy day, but it was a good and honestly-truly joyful day. 

I have trust that God's plan is always greater than my own. 

I am still operating in a sad state of drought at the moment, hydrated only by (sometimes exhausting) constant choices, reminders, and intentionality to keep me positively fueled:
I spent a couple days completely devoted to my children.
I did an intense weights workout with a friend (what the squats? Whyyyyy?!)
I'm reading a good book
I went on a date to the local live theatre with Aaron
I ate a lot of ice cream and baked cookies at 11pm and I ate those too
I took a couple naps
I watched videos of my children that make me laugh.
I made some lists: gratitude, service, happy things
I cleaned my house and organized my bedroom closet
I had one on one time with each of my children and soaked up what incredible people they are.
I spent an afternoon doing a craft with my friend in Bentonville.
These are just little things, but each choice helped accelerate the exchange and replaced my emptiness with some happiness, courage, and strength…even if the latter two only came because I got up and and simply carried out the choice to do something to help me feel happy.

I know I am strong, I know will get better, and I know I will be full, even overflowing, once again when grief's great gift exchange is over.

post edit **We did not tell the children about the pregnancy or the miscarriage, so please please PLEASE don't discuss  any of the above with them or with us in front of them. They think I've had a stomach bug and have worried enough about that as it is.**