This pic was taken 2 years+ 2 days ago. We were incomplete then, and we knew it. What we did NOT know was that we would add a family member the following day! And then add his plus one twin sister the next day! When we became foster parents, we agreed to promise each child that comes to our home, whether for a night or for months or for a year, that we were “all in” for them, come what may. We never thought these precious twins would get to be with us for very long, but here we are, 2 years later, as smitten as we were on day one.
About a month after the twins came into our family, we received a call from the adoption specialist with a baby for us. Ready to be adopted, and our family was selected as a match, but we would need to move the twins out to a different foster family.
We had been an open “adoptive home for a year and a half with zero calls, and now, here is someone on the phone basically saying, “here’s a baby for you!”
At this time, there was zero assumption that the twins would be woth us long term, but we declined the adoptive placement, because we had already promised ourselves to be there for the twins for as long as they needed us. No way would we move them.
In the following weeks, we received two more calls for available adoptive placements. What even?! I absolutely refused to disrupt the twins. Their needs were intense and it would break them. I told the specialist, “they aren’t puppies. I’m not moving two babies who need me out of my home just to have one that I can play with for keeps.” And that was that
I remember briefly thinking, “well, this is bad timing, isn’t it? Why would God allow circumstances to dangle something I desired so badly on a hook at a time when I am unable to choose yes?”
But I did make a choice, didn’t I?
I chose uncertainty. I chose to mother the twins for as long as they need me to mother them.
Looking back, I realize that choice Aaron and I made was much more courageous than we realized, but we made it with zero regrets. All in, come what may. This is where we were needed. At the time, we truly never thought we’d be here after two years, and I’m so thankful we chose them it, and that we chose them again and then again. I have cried every. Single. Day. With them and for them (and sometimes because of them π). We are still all in and they still need us and we need them.
The last two years have overflowed with healing, chaos, growth, grief, trust, joy, sacrifice, connection, trauma, relief, heartbreak, hope, grit, laughter, waiting, and love love love that balances it all. Our future as a family of 9 still lies in the unknown, and I pray that someday a complete photo of my family will be on Christmas cards and social media feeds. But regardless of the future, we celebrate today and every day that we are together and belong to each other. We have all grown in so many more ways than just numbers. Happy 2 years with our family, twinners! We will choose you and advocate for your best interests every day for as long as you need us to. I love you with an unconditional mother-grade tenacity that I did not comprehend was possible before I became a foster parent. Your worth supersedes every high and low and all the in between days. You are such a blessing to this world and our family is the luckiest to know a greater love because of you!
