Too Much

Dude, in a 40 day time span  I’ll have had 3 appointment with oncology, a CT, 2 iron infusions, an ultrasound on my thyroid, dental x rays and cleaning (plus I took 6 out of 7 children to their dental appointments),  2 CBC lab draws, an annual pap with my OB (guess who needs a hysterectomy?)  and a mammogram, which had fuzzy areas so now I have an ultrasound on both breasts on Monday. Sheesh!  

Plus 3 appointments with attorneys and two appeal attorney interviews, etc.... and don’t forget court.

That ate up an entire day.  

I had a CT to a) rule out lymphoma and Epstein Barr and b) search for an autoimmune cause for my adrenal glands flaring up. The CT revealed an enlarged thyroid so I had an ultrasound for that. The ultrasound found cysts on the thyroid, so next step is to meet with an endocrinologist (who called to see if I could get in today but I already had an appointment to interview an appeal attorney at the same time. I’m a stay at home mom, how is my schedule this booked?! ) and my OB ordered a mammogram for tomorrow that should rule out anything other than fibrocystic breast tissue causing drama on my already system.  From regular family practice to oncology to radiology to gynecology to endocrinology and they’ll send me to rheumatology next.  Everyone says the same thing, “this looks like lupus, but you’ve got ____ going on that looks concerning, so let’s rule out cancer first and THEN we can send you on.”  

I really think one of the biggest problems is stress.  The twins case is in its third appeal. More attorneys, more money, more waiting, and the worst part: more months of our family being scrutinized and criticized and treated like babysitters by our CASA and the DHS adoption specialist who refused to give us department consent for us to adopt the twins. 

I keep thinking “this is the home stretch of the marathon!” But the reality is that the twins will likely be seven year old before this is final.  My hair will have completely fallen out by then, my

home will be surrounded by a moat from the river of tears I shed daily over the injustice of it all, and the twins will be in therapy for at least a decade to unpack all of the trauma that has been placed upon their backs by “advocates” who deliberately ignore their mental health needs and concerns.  

Also there’s that whole insurance claim

Monkey on my back. I’ve treated it as a second job and the hours I put into it are taken very seriously.  I was handed such a mess to sort and seriously can’t believe just how badly this was screwed up by the restoration company. But then I have my weekly conference with the insurance agent handling the rebuild and as I look around and have to weekly review just how poorly the completion of our house (haven’t finished yet!) has gone, I actually can believe that the claim is such a disaster.  As soon as the children are in bed, I sit down and work until midnight.  And then I get up the next day and give 200% to children and feel like I’m drowning because these precious children need like 600%.

I don’t have any metaphors to describe what going through this hellish trifecta of waiting is like, but I’m tired of it. Just. So. Tired. 

This is not a marathon. It’s an ultra marathon. I am physically and emotionally depleted.  But then I look at my children and find more fight inside me. They are my why. They are worth all of this. I just wish it was easier.

Any bets on which will end first?  Answers about my health/autoimmune flares, closing the door the fire remodel and insurance claim, or is finally getting an adoption date?   

The answer is D: Reese will have already graduated high school by the time we know anything. I will probably be a grandmother before I can legally call the twins Willardsons——which is a name everyone will know because this ridiculous case will end up going to the Supreme Court. 🤣. 

Know a foster mother? Go give her a big hug. Or dinner. Or run and errand for her. Or just give some words of motivation to remind her of her divine endurance. 

She’s weary. She’s tired. She does not have the luxury of rest. She’s fighting a broken system and sometimes feels like she’s doing it alone. 

Go get in her corner. 

Reese’s First Date

Reese had her first date this weekend! 

Sam M picked her up and they joined Carson D with Sierra S, and Tommy H with Finley S, and later joined by Wyatt D and his date. 

Like any mother would, I had to grab a pic on their way out. 

Also like any mother would, I had to add Bernie Sanders to the window of Sam’s car.  🤣🤣🤣


And text them a pick of Bernie waiting up for them to make sure he had her home by 10. 


They played a game at Goodwill, ate at CFA, and went bowling. Reese said everyone had a great time! 

Bacon for Brad

Reese’s buddy, Bradley broke his foot last week. Reese thought it might be weird to take flowers to a guy, so instead she took him some bacon 🤣. Bradley is known for a perfected omelette and used to be a regular customer back in the day when Reese was selling eggs. Reese printed off a photo of Michael Scott with his bubble wrapped foot (from the episode where Michael grills his foot while cooking bacon on his George foreman) and lined the inside of an egg carton with it, saying “sorry you grilled your foot.  Here are some eggs and bacon, so your family can bring you breakfast in bed while you’re laid up sorry.” 

What more appetizing than eggs packaged in Michael’s burned foot? 😂😂😂. 

She wore her Dundee Mifflin hoodie and mask for extra fun when she delivered the goods. 

Banjolele

The Willy family has taken up a new little hobby. Aaron bought this banjolele when we bought the piano. We are having so much fun learning new chords and how to strum. The you tube people lie! It is not “easy” 🤣🤣🤣 and we all have Vance Joy’s “Riptide” ringing in our ears 24/7. Not one of us can sing and strum that song at the same time. 

I thought it was really kind of pathetic how easy it was to get to a certain point...and how insanely difficult it is for any of us to progress from there, and decided there must be some skill (or twenty) that we are all lacking for this particular song, so I jumped onto a quest to learn a new song. In about 20 minutes, I could play AND sing 90% of Oceans (where feet may fail) by Hillsong Worship.  So that’s the new venture I’m going to focus on until I have the skills to finish Riptide.  It’s also nice to have a new song stuck in all of our heads all the time. Bonus that the song is about Jesus. 

 We are all really having a blast trying to figure out true totally adorable new little covid toy!  

Baked Potato Soup

I made a killer baked potato soup for family lunch yesterday. 

Note—this photo is not mine, I forgot to take a pic.  But this pic from the internet looked just like my soup! 

BAKED POTATO SOUP

Cook 1/2 package bacon until crispy.

Chop up and set aside.

Sauté diced onions and celery in the bacon grease.

Add 1/4 flour, whisk, and cook the paste 2-3 minutes 

Slowly add 1.5-2 quarts (homemade) chicken stock 

Add about 3.5 lbs peeled and sliced 1/4in thick Yukon gold potatoes. Bring to a boil then reduce heat to a simmer. 

When potatoes are tender give the pot a good stir to lightly mash some of the potatoes. 

Add 1TBS dry ranch seasoning

Add a splash of heavy cream, 2c shredded sharp cheddar. 

Stir to melt cheese. 

Top with sour cream, bacon crumbles, green onions, and shredded cheese. 

Homemade Pizza

Fridays (or Saturday) are traditionally pizza night around here.  Usually it’s takeout, occasionally we go out for a date and the kids eat frozen pizzas, and once a month or so I make calzones. 

This week, I made homemade pizza for the first time in over two years.  

Oh how we have missed this!  Nothing beats a good homemade pizza. Nothing. Artichokes, garlic, pears, pistachios, Parmesan 😍. Honestly though, the pepperoni ones were just as good, if not better.  

Crust: 1TBS yeast, 1c warm water, 2TBS oil, 1TBS honey, 4c flour, and a good pinch of salt. Makes two 10-12 inch pizzas. (I quadruple the recipe for my family 🤣) Bake on a stone at 400* for 8-10 min.

A few tips— I don’t have a pizza paddle anymore so I use cutting boards to slide the pizza onto the stone. I dust the surface with a bit of cornmeal to help them slide and to get that perfect crusty edge. 

Also, parchment paper is my BFF in the kitchen. 

Day 8

I took this pic last night after realizing I had not washed my hair in SEVEN DAYS. Booyah! I’m still rolling with it today. This week has kicked my trash, but hey, at least my hair looks good! This must me what it’s like for people with straight hair. They just wake up and then they like just brush their hair and that’s it.  Amazing! 

Anyway, after a very long week, I’m calling my hair a victory, cuz if 8 days without washing isn’t a win, I don’t even know what is. 😂 gotta count the small victories. 

That time it was Groundhog Day for like 2 years...

This is one of those posts I drafted but didn’t publish because it is so whiny. And frankly if I posted most of the many restoration posts I have in my draft folder this blog would get too depressed and self destruct. 

But in light of the 100 things happening in our lives, I feel the need to keep it real. And this is our reality. 

The song I attached to my Instagram post with the restoration truck is cracking me up. The company name is NWA Restore-It (which I blacked out on social media but all you readers are friends here and I would climb a roof to tell any of you NOT to use them, but I digress) and if you plug the company name into the song Never Ending Story it fits perfectly. They began restoration on our home over two YEARS ago. Today they showed up unannounced at 8am and ran my water until 5pm. 

First of all, if ANYone had showed up to work at 8am and put in a full days work at any point during the last two years, then the house would be done by now. Or at least if they’d arrived at 8am on ANY of the days they were scheduled to work at 8, instead of 9:30, 11:30, 1, or the most common, 3pm to work for 1 hour after I waited all day for them and then leave.  

But hey they showed up and decided today was the day. They pressure washed the decks for the 4th time to try and get the paint they spilled all over it off and prep them to be stained.  We had a disagreement about product because they insisted a solid paint stain was our ONLY option for restoration of the decks.  They stained the front deck a month ago. 

Annnnd the paint is chipping and peeling and  looks like crap and they insisted that is “normal wear and tear for a deck.” 

So I reported back to our insurance and they will be back to fix the peeling stain and will be using a different product on the back decks, saying that they say are a “freebie” because they weren’t fire damaged. 

Nooo but they WERE destroyed when you decided to bust out the steps and rails during demolition and then painted the cabinets and doors on top of them, so....not really a freebie, more like a “fixie” 🤷🏻‍♀️

Having workers at the house was way too hard on the twins and one was so disregulated he became violent and non verbal, and after a good hit to the face and a bite on my cheek, I packed up my babies and the school books and we went to my parents house. 

Just like we were doing an entire YEAR ago. 

Will they ever have a big enough window of tolerance to handle any change in routine like typical children? 

Will this horrible company ever finish my home? During the power washing today they ripped off big paint off the house siding so that now needs to be touched up. And on and on it goes in a horrible version Groundhog Day that repeats itself.  

Speaking of Groundhog Day, we go to court next week. It’s the same old song, but I’m legally bound to not speak. But someday, the whistle will blow.  

I’ve been reading Saints Volume 1 to help me have a better attitude about trials and long suffering. These magnificent faithful Saints! They dealt with so much tribulation and many of them never saw the happy ending during their lifetimes. I’m inspired by the faith of all those who joyfully sang All Is Well and then died praising God for sustaining them in their sufferings.  

Thine afflictions shall by for thy good!  

Just like Phil in Groundhog Day, maybe it’s not the circumstance that needs to change. Maybe it’s just me. The past few years have changed me, for sure...but whether it’s for the better is yet to be determined.  

Right now I’m just tired and weary.

Around the World with the Willies: Italy

We are having a blast with this gigantic Maps book that Tia gave us!  We “traveled” to Italy this week and ate an Italian dinner by candlelight, looked at Jtalian artwork, listened to Italian dinner music, and had a “facts and snacks” session with a Universal Yums box my parents gave the children for Christmas. Quincy loved that the Italian bread twist version of chips are shaped like little Q’s. She did not love the giant Cheerios texture or the lemon pepper flavor!😝. 

Barbie sofa

Reese and Quincy’s rose sofa arrived and I put it together in their bedroom right before Sloane’s little birthday party. Sloane squealed and posed with her party friends on it, exclaiming, “it’s a Barbie sofa!” and so it is. 🤣 

Playing house is so fun. All my little dollies love their new furniture. 

Soren’s lego temple

Soren created this adorable lego temple, this morning. I love the details of the arched doorway, the Moroni statue on top, and the tiny baptismal font inside. 

Sloane’s 6th Birthday Party: Build-a-Barbie

For Sloane’s birthday, we had a Build-a-Barbie party! I ordered a bulk pack of Barbie clothes and Quincy and I created a closet with foam core and  straight pins. I bought a few $4 barbies, and Sloane, E, Chloe W, and Bryn M picked out a Barbie, then took her “shopping” for outfits.  Reese painted their fingernails, I read a Barbie book to them, fed them chicken nuggets and then we had cake and opened presents. The big kids helped me bake her Barbie cake.  It was a family effort simple and adorable. Sloane had the best time!

A 2020 Resolution done

I set a goal to read one book per month in 2020. 

This goal was so fun. I learned a lot and was inspired often. I wrote some book reviews on my blog, and tracked books read in my bullet journal. 

I read 29 books in 2020!

 

This was possible mostly because of audible. Which accounted for 16 of the books listed below. I love multi tasking, and this list really just proves I did a LOT of laundry in 2020! 😂

This goal also helped me with my other 2020 resolution, which was to find ways to waste less of my resources, like time, food, and money.   Reading more meant I was on Facebook less. I haven’t been on Facebook since General Conference, and I think it’s time to deactivate my account. I don’t miss it. Breaking up with Facebook gave me time to focus on my time on continued education and reports to renew my foster care license, and increase my knowledge in a wide range of study topics  through a spectrum of genres. 

My favorites to inspire were: 

Smart Money Smart Kids 

More than Enough 

These two books were chosen to go with my “less waste” goals, and both books motivated and inspired me to try new ideas, to just go for it, and to draw boundaries about what I consume physically and emotionally. These books filtered what comes in. 

My favorites that were just FUN were: 

Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes 

The Starless Sea

I was swept away by both of these books! The stories were captivating and the writing was excellent. These books lightened me up and were little vacations to escape to at the end of long days. 

Lastly the three favorite books that expanded my brain were

The Call of the Wild and Free

Brave Learner  

Folks this Ain’t Normal 

These books inspired me to get away from what’s “normal” and just do what’s best for my family.   

Goldie Soup

Tonight I told the kids we were having a “French Dinner” to get them pumped about a new creamy root vegetable soup I came up with but I knew they’d turn their noses up at.  My plan worked and I served “French Golden Soup”, french baguettes, and an apple cranberry galette for dessert. They named the soup “Goldie Soup” and that’s what it is now. 

Soren helped me make it 😍

Goldie Soup  

1.5 lbs carrots peeled and chopped into 1/2 inch chunks

1 onion chopped

1/2 stick butter 

Sauté for 10 minutes 

Add

1 small sweet potato  peeled and cut into chunks

1-2 Yukon gold potatoes peeled and cut 

2 Quarts Homemade Stock 

1/4 tsp ginger 

Simmer 45 minutes, cool, then blend it up! 

Return to pot

Add

Black pepper

Fresh garlic or fresh thyme would have made this over the top delicious. I used some dried. 

1/2 c heavy cream  because duh. 

So good!!!! Great work, Soren! 

Quincy takes it to the bank

Long time coming, we finally made an appointment at the bank and set Quincy up with her own bank account.  I’m so proud of how well she has saved to reach her first and second financial goals! She’s currently saving for a mission and a car and college. Quincy took a finance class last semester and really enjoyed it!  I believe in her and her ability to reach every goal she sets for herself.  Great work, Quincy! 

Mother Daughter Book Club: The Lions of Little Rock

You know you have a good book when you find yourself imagining a backstory for supplemental characters. The Lions of Little Rock is a well written  book with excellent character development. 

Set in 1958, this historical fiction follows the tale of two math loving friends of different races during the fight for integration in Little Rock public schools. The governor closed schools for a year in an effort to avoid integration after the famous Little Rock Nine and US Marshals were called to keep the peace keepers at Central High School. This school closing accelerated the involvement of parents, who previously had fearfully hid in the shadows with their feelings about segregation.  

This was a great book! I loved the relationship between Marley (the main character) and Liz her fair skinned black friend who gets in trouble for “passing” as white and illegally attending a white school.  The relationship between Marly and her mother, her sister, her oldest friend, her housekeeper, and her father are all explored through the story.  I think this book may send us down a little rabbit hole of learning about integration, and a field trip to Central High in Little Rock over Spring Break!

Meg Reads: 2020 Book Round Up

My goals for 2020 were to read more, run more, and waste less. 

The reading goal was one book per month. Prior to 2020, I was averaging 2 books a year.  I selected a few books ahead of time, and the rest fell into place. 

The only book I truly hated was Girl, Wash your Face, by Rachel Hollis.  I didn’t really love the two Melanie Cellier books, either, but they were chosen for mother daughter book club, so I got them on audible and just powered through them while doing laundry. 

I do a lot of laundry. I realized I can multi task with audio books while cleaning, cooking, gardening, and laundering, and driving back and forth to schools, and that usually squeezes in at least 1 hour a day of reading...sometimes several more! 

This “found time” has been a great way to stretch my brain. I learned a great deal about the Gospel, homeschooling, finance, racism, history, and nature during my reading dates. 

The most inspiring books were More Than Enough and Folks This Ain’t Normal. These books both motivated me to evaluate my role as a consumer. Use what I have. These fell right in with my “waste less” goal. I started recycling cardboard, reusing and repurposing what I could (bags, for example), and giving things a second life instead of throwing them away (saving garden scraps, onion peels, and celery roots for homemade chicken stock, or making fire starters from the paper shredder, candle stumps, and dryer lint). I have a greenhouse and 100 little pots! Dozens of super old seed packets. Why not use them? So I did, and I got the children involved, too. We started composting again, which unfortunately attracted raccoons, snakes, and possums in droves. I learned that my comparing efforts would be better done in compost bins instead. Maybe a purchase for 2021? Or maybe composting will just wait until I have some acres to work with. I hate tossing egg shells though when I know they could be putting vital nutrients back into my garden.  

I also purged my closet and only kept what I actually wear.  Simplifying decisions has made it possible for me to focus resources like energy, money, and time, in other places like my family and our mini homestead.  Our gifts to the children for birthdays and Christmas have been more purposeful and intentional. The kids have also worked hard to manage their finances and reach their money goals.  

There were many failures in 2020, but reading books was definitely a success. 29 books in 2020. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻