Soon we’ll have this tale to tell: All Is Well, All is Well.

These photos are the calm after the storm that seemed to last all day long 

This fire and these people. Thank goodness for them. 

Today was really difficult for me.  I couldn’t get the chaos under control and it felt like someone was perpetually crying.  I chased one need after another like a medic who’s patients are all bleeding out. 

And then my dishwasher broke.

Again. 

That’s right. You may recall that my brand new dishwasher broke during thanksgiving break LAST year. And it happened again today like deja vu.  And it was such an unexpected emotional trigger, none of us handled it well.  Funny how something like my sister calling me for a recipe card that no longer exists and my dishwasher breaking and reeking of sour water can push ones sanity over the edge.  It didn’t just hit me though, this took our whole emotionally fragile household down with it.   My insurance agent called me today to make sure all of the work was done before thanksgiving break (spoiler! It was not. The restoration company showed up at 4pm on Friday afternoon to start the tile work on the front bathroom knowing full well we would send them away because we wouldn’t want to be without a bathroom all week. But they showed up an hour before their “finish deadline” to give the appearance of trying.) and I just started crying. It is just frustrating to have a repeat of the exact conversation I was having with him a YEAR ago.  People keep saying “Covid has changed everything!”  But honestly our biggest trials—waiting on appeals and facing injustices in the twins’ case, my mysterious autoimmune flares, finding time to finish our insurance claim, mothering through the day to day effects of trauma and children with anxiety, and dealing with the joke of a restoration company—-these trials are all still here just the same, regardless of Covid.  I feel like we are standing right where we were a year ago with our feet cemented into the ground.  We were SURE last thanksgiving that “a year from now, we won’t be dealing with ____” and here we are. And it’s the same or worse. 

I cried a lot today. Sometimes it’s all just a lot to deal with. And then add in things like a worldwide pandemic that apparently affects everything from virtual and home school to the hours the public library is open, to everything being forced to shut down EXCEPT FOR court ordered visits that completely re-traumatize and trigger PTSD (it’s real, people. SO real.). And leave them broken and disassociated while I put everyone back together. That’s not canceled, nope.  Oh and rude workers who come over every 30 days to judge my life and make sure my knives and meds are locked and then write reports that minimize the needs of the children and either vaporize our existence/role in the healing or vilify us for advocacy. That’s not canceled either.  It’s really a lot. Someday, our children will know the whole story and know that even though they are the ones who survived hellish conditions and spent years recovering, their family waded through hell beside them to carry them out.   

I honestly don’t know how I’ve survived so much for so long, but if more of this hellfire is what lies ahead, bring on the heat because I was born for this and I’m here for it.  I’m cooked. But I believe in what’s best for my children and I’m not backing down. 

Getting all fired up like that only to be met with endless hurtles isn’t how the story is supposed to go, but alas, today was ridiculously long and difficult and a very real day in the trenches I promised to climb in and fight from.

Today I felt so very burdened. Even when my heart was in it, my body felt weak and barely able to keep up.  Just barely. But it did.  I was weary but sustained through it all for as long as this long long day lasted.

 

Tonight, thanks to Aaron, I was able to take a pause to feel thankful for his calming presence, his faith in the future.  I tightened up my slippery hold onto treasured promises that things will all work together for good. 

 A crackling fire warmed my face and soothed my troubled heart, while it kept my house at 74 degrees. We curled up around it for family prayer and breathed out a hopeful mantra of All is Well. 

Cooper Playground

We joined Glovers and Grovers for hours of riding bikes, scooters, and roller blades, basketball, gaga ball, and playground play.  It was great to be outside, abd we had so much fun learning how to play gaga ball. Corbin and Soren love this game and they spent much of 1st and 5th grade recess time in the gaga ball pits at their schools. It was really fun to have a game that everyone/all ages in our family can play.  Tia destroyed all of us. 🤣 

Meg Reads: Fish in a Tree

Ally is a middle schooler hiding a secret. She cannot read. Her family moves just often enough that she manages to fly under the radar and she keeps her secret well until a dedicated educator recognizes Ally’s  “bad” behavior as an academic deficiency disguised as a bad attitude/lack of effort.  

He connects with Ally and they test, diagnose, and then adjusts instruction methods. Ally learns that she is not stupid. She is brilliant with the gift of Dyslexia.  

I liked this book. It was written for a very young crowd. The challenges Ally faces are very real trials that my own family knows well. This book opened my eyes to even more strengths, both social and academic, that Reese and others in my family are gifted with through Dyslexic thinking.  It also increased my appreciation for Reese’s additional efforts to translate and adapt her formal instruction methods into language her brain will more effectively remember or understand.  She’s her own moderator, her own mentor, her own translator.  She’s a bright, tenacious. dedicated, resilient fish who’s  been deprived of water for years by a “one size fits all” educational models and has courageously faced adversity and learned how to thrive in a tree.   

Cheers to all the fish, and to their parents. May your scrambles for survival along the pathway to excellence unearth endless alternate routes.  I wish you courage to take the unexplored  and unpopular paths and discover the innate divine excellence within you that has always been there.  

Backyard Hike

This is the view from my bedroom window.

We got outdoorsy today and explored these beautiful woods behind our house.  We followed the trails along a natural spring to discover moss, mushrooms, and headstones from 1895! 

Giving Thanks 2020

We had a really mellow and really wonderful thanksgiving. The food was all so good! My dad “spatchcocked” and smoked a turkey and my mom did stuffing and gravy and green beans and a berry cobbler and berry salad. I made homemade rolls, an apple pie, a chocolate chocolate chocolate pie, cranberry sauce, crudités tray, and mashed potatoes.  Aaron contributed his traditional chips and dips/crackers cheese log and martinelli’s. We ate until we could eat no more! I had to lie down. It was absurd. But it was all so delicious! Here’s the recipe for Lacey Schofield’s cranberry salsa that she and Kasey now have us totally addicted to. 

It was wonderfully warm outside, so the kids jumped on the trampoline and rode bikes. We watched Home Alone for like the 4th time already this year, played cards (or favorite, this year, is called 12 days of Christmas) introduced the big girls to Downton Abbey (via Vid Angel), and the boys watched Star Wars in the loft.  We had a family zoom with the Willardsons and then set one up with all the Lawrences. It was fun to see cousin Matisse in Hawaii, Grandma Lynda and Grandpa Rob, and bring families together who are spread out all over between Utah, Canada, California, Idaho and Arkansas. Thankful for technology that has made this pandemic much more easily tolerated. We have so many friends and family who are very sick right now with Covid, and we pray for relief and a vaccine, soon!  

My dishwasher is still full of sour stagnant water, so we ate at my parents’ this year. My mom always sets such a pretty table. 

We have so much to be thankful for.  I loved watching the message of hope from the prophet last week. He encouraged us to practice more gratitude through prayer and outward expression, social media, journaling. Etc. I loved reading everyone’s posts and being uplifted by this challenge.

Cranberry Salsa: 

1 12oz bag fresh cranberries

1/4c fresh cilantro (or more!) 

4 green onions 

3/4c sugar

1 seeded jalapeño 

Pinch of salt

2 Tbs fresh lime juice 

Pulse ingredients in a blender or food processor. 

Chill in fridge overnight

Pour over a block of cream cheese and eat with crackers. Sooooo good! 

Meg Reads: The Witches by Roald Dahl

We had one last spooky hurrah before we went full blown into Christmas mode. 

Roald Dahls magical masterpiece was a captivating read for my homeschoolers. Corbin picked it up during his free time and finished the parts he missed.  


Friday Movie night rolled around and I totally traumatized our kids with the 1990’s movie adaptation.  Soren’s face! 😳 

We decided to save the 2020 HBO version for next Halloween 🤣🤣🤣

Happy Birthday, Grandpa Hal!

Like how to smoke a perfect pork butt!  Grandpa upgraded his traeger and we are the lucky recipients of his old one. I’ve only used this new-to-me toy one time and I’m already loving it sooooo much! Thanks, dad! 

Grandpa shares his fireman affection with our little fireman and fire truck obsessed baby bear. My parents stopped by a couple nights ago with a few ornaments for A to set up his very own fireman tree.  I used the tree from the guest room for A to decorate and he is in heaven! I’m so grateful for my parents and their special love for my children. 

Loft Makeover Update

“Fun teen loft makeover that was kind of a disaster” update: a hassle, but Amazon eventually refunded the non-stick wallpaper mess. 👊🏻👊🏻 Then, the replacement for the pretty sofa with a giant hole in it finally arrived 4 months later... and the company asked if we could keep the damaged one.  So I sewed up the hole and pushed the side with the ugly seam up against a wall. 2 for 1 discount was worth the wait! 🎉 Grateful for the times when something frustrating works out just fine in the end.  

This space says, “hang in there”, to me. The “something better” may take a while, but it is on it’s way. 

Gratitude: Quincy’s Creativity

I’m thankful for Quincy’s gift for bringing creativity into our home.  Her passion and talents for the arts has enriched all of our lives in so many wonderful therapeutic ways. From music to handicrafts, I am so thankful to enjoy the beauty and feel all the emotions stirred by Quincy’s many amazing creative outlets!

A BLUE Egg! And a dark speckled egg!

Our first week with layers gave us this beautiful rainbow of eggs and we are totally geeking out over them. 

A Green Egg!

I caught pizza in the nesting box, today, sitting on a clutch of golf balls that we placed throughout the box to teach the hens where to lay. She had gathered them together and was brooding on them to keep them “warm”. We had already collected 2 eggs from our layers, so I opened the run and sent all the ladies out to free range in the yard. An hour later, pizza was circling the front of the chicken coop and Corbin found this little greenie was on the ground next to the door. Oops! Turns out she was ready to lay and but didn’t quite make it back to the box after I set them free.   We’ll see where she lays tomorrow! 

I’m feeling super grateful to have this simple resource I’m my backyard. Yes, eggs are ridiculously inexpensive right now. Yes I have spent more on the coop than I ever would on eggs. But there is a deep satisfaction in knowing there is a self sustainable source of protein available for my family just steps away from my kitchen table. It also so good for the kids to be responsible for collecting and washing eggs, cleaning out the coop, and general care and feeding of their hens. 

Reese Works Hard

Grateful for this hardworking daughter! She nannied for 7 hours yesterday, did a 5hr cleaning gig this morning, came home and power napped 20 minutes, and is now off to a be a super fun and creative babysitter until late tonight.  This girl keeps her eye on the prize and gives it her all. I’m inspired by her initiative, dedication, and the example of goodness she perpetually glows upon our family.  

The Saga

When things get hectic, I start referring to the season we are in by a title. As if we are in some kind of saga and the name of this years chapter in our saga is _____.  

I’m starting to feel like saga is not the correct word. Sagas have a heroic ending.  Our lives feel more like a soap opera these days.  It’s all just endless dramas, cliffhangers and loose ends around here.  I’m really craving some resolution for ANY of our sub plots. 😂 

Today I had my first meeting with an oncologist to see if we can figure out why my lymph glands keep blowing up like golf balls. Most signs lead to autoimmune—looking like lupus, specifically. But to rule out the possibility of lymphoma, my regular doc referred me to oncology. 

The great news is that my white blood cell count is normal enough to not be alarmed. Always a bonus when oncology also suspects its just autoimmune. I will be referred to a rheumatologist next, but my glands were inflamed enough at my appointment today that the oncologist wants to do a CAT scan in the next week or so just to be certain there isn’t some underlying issue that is hiding beneath the surface.  I’m feel pretty confident that this is autoimmune related because it’s been going on for years, and I just sort of have learned how to roll with it.  The last 6 months have brought on a few new symptoms, and others have increased, so now I’m here, troubleshooting and ruling out any life threatening/scary stuff.   

This oncology center is amazing! Every staff member is so helpful and kind. During my labs today, another lady in the chair next to me was totally freaking out and then passed out cold. They were so gentle with her, poor lady! That was a “ok so this day actually could be much worse” moment for me 🤣

When I arrived at home, the programming switched from the “Meg’s broken endocrine system” chapter, to a reprise of “the restoration company from Hell, part 17” chapter. 

The painter did not arrive until 2pm and was still painting at 7pm. Using canned spray paint. Indoors. 

Aaron had every window in the house open, but it was so strong you could still smell the wafting paint fumes from the neighbors driveways.  It was a total flash back to a YEAR ago when we were dealing with the same thing. “We can get everything done in a couple of days” is a song that’s been on repeat for over a year.  I’m so tired of living with construction. I’m tired of waiting around for people who don’t show up to work until 6 hours later. I’m tired of keeping  my children away from wet paint. Tonight, when I walked in to see my nee baby grand piano being taped and papered off and spray paint cans being used just 3 inches away, I had to just close my eyes and walk away.  I went into my closet to have a minute—-only to find it taped off for touch up work.  

I’m grateful the work is getting done.

I just don’t want to live in it while it’s all getting done. It smelled so bad, half of my family was outside on the driveway, complaining about the fumes.  

It’s a headache. A literal, face splitting headache.  These chapters of the saga feel like they are never going to end.  This concludes my whining. 

Homemade: Bone Broth

Tonight I served my family chicken soft tacos with cilantro lime rice. 

The cilantro was from the jar of dehydrated cilantro that we made in the springtime.  Every time I serve  a meal with ingredients from my own yard, I feel like such a domestic queen. I get the same satisfaction using up chicken remains and kitchen scraps to create this insanely smooth and flavor intense bone broth. Something from nothing while my slow cooker does the labor is my kind of kitchen trophy. 

Bone Broth

Water

Chicken bones

1tsp cider vinegar 

3 cloves garlic 

2 whole carrots 

2 stalks celery 

1/3 red pepper 

1/2 green pepper

1/2 onion 

A few peppercorns 

A bunch of herbs from the garden (rosemary, thyme, oregano) 

I threw the remains of a rotisserie chicken and all of the ingredients listed above (most of the produce was what I could scrounge up in the bottom of the fridge drawers as I cleaned it out and spared the fate of being tossed out to the hens) into the crockpot, covered with water, and let them simmer on low for over 24 hours, adding about 3 more cups of water after the first 6 hours or so.  The result was incredible!   I don’t make bone broth very often because I don’t want to babysit a pot on my stove all day long. But my slow cooker? She’s a work horse and holds BFF status after this masterpiece. Soooo yummy, I strained it and sipped up a steaming hot bowl of it right away. The rest (shown above) was put into the freezer.  Look at those happy containers put up for a bitter cold winter’s day.