It's not always sunshine and rainbows.
I awoke Monday morning with golf ball sized lymph glands, 30+ kanker sores in my mouth, and a dark band of hives wrapped around the side of my abdomen and up my spine. Because of the location and body pain, and recent exposure to chickenpox (don't even get me started. I can't go there), I fearfully panicked for awhile that it might be shingles, but the rash has now evenly spread across my full torso and legs (and arms, and chest) and really are just itchy achey hives and an angry inflamed endocrine system. Perhaps an allergy? Who knows. Benadryl seems to be helping with the itchy achey part.
Mothering is really really hard work, sometimes. I have been humbled lately as each of my children have experienced, or are experiencing, frustrating trials that I feel I have exhausted all of my abilities and knowledge to help them endure. Just sitting by, watching them go through it, feels like I'm not doing my job. But I am at a loss as to how to help them. Last night, I knelt in prayer with Aaron and we called upon God for help with these little children.
The scripture Ether 12:27 promises that if I will be humble and have faith, weak things will become strong.
"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."
I know the trials I face right now in mothering are not punishment from God. (Though it probably sounds like it sometimes as I lament to Him in prayer, "Why is this so hard? Why art thou doing this to me/them?") Rather, these challenging days are to humble me. I know I am a better mother today than I was 3 years ago because of trials. I know I only got through those trials with divine assistance. I can thank those difficult times for bringing me closer to Christ, and helping me develop testimony of the enabling power of the Atonement. I suppose it will help me to find gratitude in the difficulties I'm facing with my little ones today.
I also received a blessing of healing, and among other things, was blessed with "endurance to to bear disappointments".
So that's what's on my mind today. I'm analyzing the things that aren't going the way I want, and pondering which things I have power to change vs which things I need to accept how they are, with gratitude.
And I'm loading up on Benadryl.
2 comments:
..."For I pray continually for them by day, and mine eyes water my pillow by night, because of them; and I cry unto my God in faith, and I know that he will hear my cry." 2 Nephi 33:3
"And I know that he will hear my cry", that's the part that I cling to. We know that sometimes we are meant to endure trials that downright stink, but at least we can hold tight to that knowledge. No matter what is happening, He is always hearing our cry.
That's the same scripture I shared with our young women at our bonfire last night. The start of a new school year (with all of its new challenges) seemed like appropriate timing.
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