Prison Meg

Once a year, I trek down to the DMV (you know that. You've read about my DMV trips before). This year, I decided I have had enough, and that all vehicle assessments, personal property taxes and registrations would be done online.

Of course this is the year my driver's license would expire.
To the DMV I went.

Actually, I went first to the County Assessors Office next door, you have to pay personal property taxes for cars, boats, RVs atvs, etc in Ar, which means you have to have the property "assessed" by May 30th every year, or you'll pay a fat fine in October. This is something that you, the citizen, are expected to remember and have on your calendar, as there is NO NOTICE or reminder to go assess between Jan 1 and May 30 each year. Such a pain.

So yeah, it's May and I'm actually on time this year.

I step through the door and see about 15-20 people in the room, 4 at the counters being served, a hand full are in a short line, and the rest are scattered around the room at random in chairs.

I get in line.

"Excuse me, M'am, but there is a line." says the really stinky 75 yr old overalled man in the trucker hat. His voice is so deep and rough it is difficult to understand him.

I look around at all the people. No one is holding a number, and there is no place to take a number. "Oh! Sorry! Wait...am I ...not in the line?"

"No. You're after Plaid Shirt." He points to a middle aged Vigo Mortenson look-alike who looks back at me, rolls his eyes, and shrugs like, "yeah. I just got this speech. This old guy is nuts.") "Plaid shirt is after Prego over there" [points behind him to a young pregnant woman]

"And I'm after Jesus Christ SuperMan" Chimes in Prego

Jesus Christ Superman (yeah, that's what his shirt says. Becuase the Jesus Christ Superstar Play isn't sacriligious enough...the playbill cover has been shaped into a superman symbol and silkscreened onto a shirt with an owner who's hairstyle gives away any question as to whether or not he is in the play.

Jesus Christ Superman, Prego, and Overalls all simultaneously say, "And He's/I'm after Afro, who's after Cell Phone Guy.

Cell Phone Guy peeks up from his low-voiced conversation long enough to give an annoyed head nod and one eye-browed acknowledgment of the ridiculous system that he clearly only agrees to put up with because his phone call is far more important.

By now, KU Basketball and her son have entered the office and are getting filled in on how everything works. KU's son digs a few quarters from his mom's purse and leaves in search of a candy machine.

"Then it's Him, and then Those Guys," continues Overalls, "then it's my turn, and I'm right after Them Two. Looks like they almost gon' be next, Them Two."

Ahhhhh Them Two.

The line at the counter had nearly disappeared, with one person actually left in queue.

Here's what I think went down.

Them Two hobbled into the DMV and got in line. They were followed by Overalls. Overalls and Them Two started talking about how tired and old they are, which led to them just sitting down and waiting. Then more people came in, and Overalls figured that rather than just get up and stand in line again, he told Those Guys to just have a seat and rest, too, and that they could just get up and be after him.

But really? When 5 more people came in they continued with this business? Really?
Yes!

Them Two get up and head over to the counter, since they're "gon' be next" and all.

In walks Neck Tat. (ok, It's not an official nickname given by Overalls, but that's what I'm calling him).

Neck Tat strolls past Me, Overalls, and KU and goes straight on up to stand behind Them Two.
Suddenly, I "get it". What the heck man?! We were here first! Get in line, yo!

Overalls is on it.

He hollers at Neck Tat to come over, and while he's explaining the "rules", I get to thinking about how much more work all this is than just freaking standing in line. Honestly, if you are too invalid to wait in a 20 minute line to get your driver's license, should you really be out driving, at all?

KU Basketball's kid comes back with no candy and says, "You're standing in the same place. Did we move up in line at all?" KU's response is, "Sweetheart, I have absolutely no idea"

Overalls is busy talking to Neck Tat and Rich Kid comes in. I'm too busy listening in on Overalls, trying to catch what nickname he gave me, to do anything about the fact that Rich Kid has jumped the line. Luckily, Cell Phone Guy was having none of that, and put down his phone only long enough to inform him that he can be after Afro. Afro is pleased that Cell Phone Guy has his back and they exchange brotherly nods.

Secret signals. Gangs. Seniority. Nicknames.

I think this evidence only further proves my theory that the
DMV = Prison.