Things that make me feel like an idiot.

1) Blogger editing has changed and it no longer allows me to embed video codes. I also can't upload a bunch of images at a time without 10 spaces showing up between everything that I've already typed.

2) Corbin was watching Sesame Street at my Mom's place yesterday and I was surprised to hear this song (sorry it's just a link. I attempted to embed the code, but...well, you read #1).

Um. Are you kidding me?

At first, I thought it was a joke, but no. This is for real.

They're singing about downloading iphone applications on Sesame Street.

What the heck happened to songs about clouds or numbers or birds or babies or doggies?!

The only benefit I can see to this is that Corbin will soon be able to teach me how to correctly upload videos to blogger again.

Speaking of Corbin. My baby boy is TWO today? How did that happen? I thought I told him to quit growing. I love him so much. I need to find a way to keep my little buddy young and sweet.

Is there an app for that?

F Words

Did my post title catch your attention? I love the idea of posting the 100 things on your mind until you have time to blog about them all, and figured I'd jump on the badwagon. And instead of 20 thoughts on the 20th, why not waste my time (and yours) by frivilously fashioning a fat list of "F words" to organize my thoughts? I know. Why are you still even reading this blog? I often ask myself why I still write it, presuably for the same reasons. Most of these are things that each probably deserve a post of their own, but this is all I've got for ya today.

1) Finished.
I got 100% in my online class!
That means I am D-O-N-E and have a GPA of 4-freaking-point-O, thankyouverymuch.

2) Fear.
I am terrified that something will go terribly wrong (ie-the transfer of the credits process back to BSU will fail me) and I will not be allowed to graduate. It seems that there have been so many obstacles that it would only be appropriate to have to jump through one final ring of fire to be done.

3) Frustration.
I had an interesting conversation the other day that left me wanting to scream.
For the record, I think that Applied Kinesiology (muscle testing for allergy sensitivity) is an absolute joke. A JOKE. I have another post coming on this topic, but for now I feel better just getting that off my chest.

4) Fabulous.
Mother's Day was great. I love my mom so much.

5) Feminine.
I love being a mother. It's the best job in the world.

6) Feline.
I have an animal trap set up in my yard with a can of tuna for bait. I am hoping to catch one of the cats that keep crapping in my garden, sleeping in the front yard, meowing at the windows, and scaring my chickens.

7) Fecal.
For all I know, Quincy has not pooped her quarter out, yet. I'm not even searching for it any more.

8) Fowl.
The chicken coop is done.

9) Farming.
The garden has been planted and is looking great!

10) Fain.
I have a new calling at church, and it's one that I'm pretty excited about. I love being a part of the Relief Society.

11) Freedom.
Aaron and I had a blast on our getaway. We got lost (a lot) and will be purchasing a GPS soon.

12) Fortuitious.
The phone is working again. (3 cheers for that!) It does wonky things every now and then though. Maybe it is haunted. ;)

13) Feint.
I can't stand unproductive meetings. Do not have a meeting to plan another meeting. Do not have a meeting without a facilitator and an agenda. Do not use the words "hate" or "stupid" and do not yell in a meeting. It is childish and discredits everything else that comes out of your mouth. Also, it makes it difficult for me to respect you. Do not spend more time on the production or show of an event than on quality or content. (that one is a huge pet peeve of mine.) Do not assume that everyone operates the same way that you do. Do not tell someone that bringing their kids to the meeting would add chaos if your own children are running rampantly around the room. Don't demand a dessert that you will later refuse to eat. An unproductive meeting is nothing more than a waste of time and a venue for hurt feelings. Do respect the person in charge of the meeting. Do take charge if you are the person that is supposed to be in charge. Do say positive things at the meeting. Do remember the purpose for the meeting. Do be professional. Do not be the reason the meeting was unproductive.

14) Faineant.
I'm reading The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society and I love it.
I am discovering via historical fiction books that I know very little about anything. Did they cover WWI or WWII when I was in school? The Civil War? Did I even take a History class? Where the heck was I? Asleep? Seriously, how did I graduate high school? Historical fiction is my new favorite genre...have any book suggestions for me?

15) Family.
My parents are here and we couldn't be happier. Do you know my parents? They are awesome. We have no extravagant plans this year, but our days will be filled with laughter, good food, and general kid spoilage. Perfect. The girls are SO excited to go have a sleepover at grandma and grandpa's house. Corbin can say Grandpa, and does so occasionally, but he has taken to calling my dad, "Puppy", affectionately. It's super cute.

16) Facetious
Me: Aaron! Quit it! Your snoring is SO loud!
Aaron: It's cuz I won.
Me: Do you realize how loud you are? Aaron? Aaron?
Aaron (staring RIGHT AT ME): Here.
Me (realizing he is still asleep) What did you win?
Aaron: Makeup Bingo.

Um, do I really want to know?

17) Facsimiled
We bought a sofa. It's an IKEA sectional, but it's kind of fabulous. And it's 1/5 of the cost of it's identical twin from Restoration Hardware. Same look for less, suckas.

18) Found and Frugal
Found: the cute Antropologie hook I bought over the weekend for my collection? It's also at Hobby Lobby... for 1/2 the cost. Who's the sucka now? I guess I am.
Frugal: I did find some rad vintage inspired bun feet online to put under my sofa to make it even more fabulous and raise the seat height a few inches. IKEA is a Swedish company? Do Swedish people have short legs or do they just love to sit close to the ground? Everything we sat on was waaaay too low to the ground. But these feet will raise it to the perfect height, so I am still really happy with our purchase, and I'm stoked that I found the bun feet for so cheap!
I confess: I originally had two E's in "Swedish". You know, "Sweedish", like "sweet" or "sweep"
I confess: I would have to guess if you asked me to point out Sweden on a map. This goes back to the school thing...when did they teach geography? During the History class I apparently did not go to?
I confess: Forget spellcheck. I checked the spelling for Swedish by looking at a box of Swedish Fish candies.

Have you lost all respect for me?

19) Fad
The braided belt is back. What are your thoughts on this one? I'm not about to start sporting Tevas, a fanny pack, or cutoff denim shorts....but I think maybe I can get behind the skinny braided belt. I think.

20) Finale
-Reese is finishing up her first year of school
-the preschool year is coming to an end
-my baby will be 2 tomorrow.

I am hunkered down in a state of alsolute denial about all 3 of these events. Care to join me in my Cave of Disbelief? Great. Could you bring some donuts? Oooh, or how about orange rolls from Crumpet Tea Room Express? Those are calorie free in the comfort of denial. I must be shooting for Fatty as my #21. I haven't been running in 2 weeks. Pass the donuts.

Question.

Dear Cat Lovers,

I don't understand. Enlighten me.
No, seriously. Why?

-Meg

Clue.

Well it worked fine yesterday and early this morning.
I guess he was going for a slow and painful death.

Fancy new phone, I am taking this as a hint that I didn't deserve you. Because you do. not. work. this morning. Like, at all.

I will miss you, but will probably replace you with a $20 POS.

This agonizing morning has been brought to you by Corbin.
In the kitchen.
With the dishwasher.

How?

After searching all afternoon, and feeling like a crazy person every time I heard it ring, I finally found my phone...

...in the dishwasher.

Winning!

Deep in the Heart of Texas

We're headed to Dallas this weekend.
Sans children!

We plan to:
-sleep past 5am
-go to the temple
-eat In n Out Burger
-go furniture shopping
-IKEA
-hit the outlets
-eat a lot of good food.

I'm really looking forward to a couple days alone with my guy.
He's good company, be jealous.

It takes a good friend to love your children the way you do.
A BIG shout out to Kasey. You serve unconditionally, and I love that about you.
And not just because I often happen to be the recipient of said service.
Thanks for keeping my brood this weekend.
You're the best.

Let the weekend begin!

A Crappy Day. Literally.

Little miss thing still hasn't passed her quarter.

I might have freaked out a little and taken her in for xrays to make sure it wasn't stuck inside her somewhere.

$100 ER visit---check!

exposure to radiation---check!

$fazillion xrays---check!

Just as everyone predicted, I paid a ton of cheddar to have a doctor tell us to go home and wait it out. But I figure, there's always that ONE case. You know, the one where the quarter gets lodged in the esophagus or whatever and has to be surgically removed. The one case where the kid has a terrible allergic reaction to the foreign object they swallowed. I don't want to be the "one case" and wish I had done more to help my daughter.

So we had xrays done, I paid through the roof, and now I have some peace of mind.

You just can't put a price tag on that. Not when it's your baby girl.

Annnnnnnnd there it is! It's in her colon and the ER doc said it should be out in 24-48 hours.

That was 7 days ago.


I've sifted through some serious [expletive] over the past few days.

It was really really gross. Especially since poor Quincy heard the ER doc say it was probably going to hurt to pass the quarter...so she decided to "hold it in" until she couldn't hold it any longer.


My girl has some iron will. Or should I say "nickel will"? "copper will"?
Whatev, she managed to hold it in for 5 days.
TMI? Probably.


And we still have no quarter. She's like a little money pit...the cash goes in, but it isn't coming out.

But during my little treasure hunt, I had to laugh. THIS is motherhood.
Any of you women out there that are expecting your first child, don't read that "What to Expect" nonsense...drive over to the ER. That's where you see the real mothers.

The mother on the phone with the insurance company, trying to settle a crazy bill that wasn't covered for who knows why.

The mother digging into the depths of her bag, desperately trying to find a stray fruity snack or stick ot gum to buy her another 10 minutes of peace while stuck in a waiting room with antsy children.

The mother holding a bowl while her son pukes in it.

The mother being wheeled out to her car with a yummy newborn in her arms. Awwww sweet. Wait, why is she in a wheelchair? 45 minutes of stitches and 2 ice packs, that's why. Maybe a broken tailbone, cracked ribs, or a herniated disc.

The mother that rushes in holding her daughter's teeth in place under a bag of ice.

So yeah, I laughed out loud as I became aware of my one arm in the toilet bowl, and the other holding a toddler on my lap to keep his hands out, and the third child yacking in the corner because she inherited her mother's gag reflex and toilet diving is the epitome of gag worthy tasks.


And then there is Little Q, just standing by, exhilerated, clapping, giggling, and asking,

"Hey, did you find it, Mommy? Can I keep the money?"


They are totally helpless without us, aren't they?
I am totally helpless without them.

I love being a mother.