as in, A knot in my gut.
I took Quincy to the Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist today.
It was time. Poor kid. I didn't know what else to do for her.
Dr. ENT came highly recommended, and is supposed to be "the best".
Here is what I learned, today:
1) It costs $125 for a doctor to look into your daughter's mouth and ears, and tell you
"Well they're not infected now, are they?" (well DUH, no! She's on the 8th day of antibiotics!)
"She's already four, so tubes could possibly help her, but we'll want to take her adnoids out also, because we have a better chance of something working if we do both procedures. But she might just be one of those kids that's going to have ear problems for the rest of her life, regardless. It's really up to you. It will either help or it won't."
2) Really? All you can give me to decide whether or not to put her under and have surgery is a maybe? I maybe really don't feel good about that.
3) Pretty much.
4) Surgery is absolutely optional at this point, and definitely not necessary. Quincy is not the ideal perfect candidate for tubes, or for adnoids. She's in the grey area that might benefit from having it done, or it might do nothing at all, or she might have even more problems from the surgery.
I really appreciate the doctor's total honesty and full disclosure of risks involved. I was really surprised at how indifferent he seemed. I'd expected a pushy "this child needs tubes in her ears stat". Instead, he suggested that we just wait and think about it, because she'll either be like Reese, and slowly get less ear infections a year until it's few enough to not be a big deal, or she'll just be "one of those kids with ear problems."
Obviously, I don't want the latter for her.
He explained both procedures to me (short hand 1 minute speed version), and the associated risks with each, first the freakishly rare, life threatening complications (rare and unlikely, but wow. Holy crap.), and then explained the typical post-op complications that are more likely to actually happen (expected to feel better about those, because they are normal complications that are easily fixed, but nope. I felt much much worse.)
I went into the appointment, apprehensive, but with my calendar, prepared to schedule surgery.
I left with information on the procedures, and no surgery scheduled.
5) Ick. It isn't right.
Not just because it's surgery.
Not just because there are rare, unlikely risks. (because what procedure doesn't have risks?)
Not because it will cost $2K up front.
I really thought I'd feel better about this after a consultation with the doctor.
I feel much much worse.
I asked him, up front, to just tell me what to do. Professional opinion.
Obviously, he can't do that, but it was worth a shot.
He said it really doesn't matter if we do the tubes, or tubes and adnoids, because it only "might work". So, it's up to us, and how fed up with ear infections we are (very). If we're fed up enough, then it's worth a shot.
huh.
I also learned this:
6) Since she sucks her thumb, it's most likely her adnoids that are getting infected (from bacteria brought in on her hands (gross) first, and the swelling is leading to drain blockage that leads to infection. If we can get her to stop sucking her thumb, he predicts the ear infections will drop drastically.
7) I hate this.
I hate having to make difficult decisions that I don't have the right answer right away to.
I hate not having the right answer, right away.
I hate not being right (see a trend?)
I hate that my kid has broken ears.
I hate that she gets every illness that she is exposed to.
I hate that she sat there, tiny and timid, perfectly healthy, perfectly perfect, in that great big exam chair, totally terrified today when the doc came in...while we talked about everything that is wrong with her. Because she is perfect. (my kid. I can say that.)
I hate that I had to pretend like I was not nervous or worried or terrified, myself.
I hate the word hate.
But I hate all of this even more, so I'm using it anyway.
8) Being a parent is hard.
Looks like Operation Hideaway Thumb is under way, after all. I mean, I have to try that, first, don't I?
Of course, she still gets many of her infections as a result from natural poor drainage when she gets any kind of cold or virus. So operation "stay away from sick kids" is also under way.
But that's another blog post for another day.
