Filling empty spaces

 I have been go go going with all the Childrens activities this week and I thought it would do my heart some good to be extremely busy but it turns out my heart just wants to feel its feels. 

So I’m trying to allow myself to just be in my sad and admittedly very lonely feelings about missing my older crew while also feeling extremely happy for this season for them, being productive in my other purposes, and cheerfully fun and involved for my not-adult children who need and deserve a present mother.

A lovely shower of heavenly gifts rained upon me today. 

First, a nice chill drive with Corbin to work, and then a steady stream of afternoon calls and and then midnight calls from the freshmen. I was blessed with multiple check in from each of my 3 Provo faves to fill me in on salt flats adventures, ward hikes, date nights, temple trips, swing dancing, country line dancing, MTC Korean tutors, visa application progress, and math help center woes, and a post game play by play from my new favorite intramural basketball team (shoutout to the 2000 Dribbling Warriors). These calls were everything today. 

And now, a heavy Arkansas thunderstorm is lighting up the midnight sky and the loud booming and shaking of the storm was enough to send me a daughter downstairs for a security snuggle. She’s listening to Vivaldi’s Four Seasons and Concerto Violino in one ear to drown out the storm. I’ve got the other AirPod playing in my ear and she’s easing heavier into sleep on my shoulder and those empty spaces in my heart are feeling pretty full of gratitude in this moment. 

A blessed mother with this wonderful heavenly gift. A sleepy snuggle is my most favorite kind of all the favorite things. I’ll sacrifice a thousand nights of sleep for this return. Just glorious.