"I will not tolerate infestation!"

Don't worry.

We have selected a winner for the Shirt Shun, but we decided we want to announce it with video post, so the shirt destruction can be documented. So you'll have to wait a few more days.

But to the winner, I cannot wait to give you your chunky ring and tshirt.

Meanwhile,
Aaron and I have a little problem.

With crickets.

Ok, actually, Arkansas has a problem with all bugs. They are enormous and look like things that your nightmares are made of.

Our problem is singular.
Just one cricket.

And not because it chirps all night, because it doesn't.
It is made out of plastic.

When we moved here, our home was a crusty, outdated mess, that had been previously owned by an old couple named Dorothy and Guy (it's been 5 years and we still get their mail). The house was really REALLY ugly, decked out in Brady Bunch wallpaper and light fictures, smelled musty, and every time the a/c or heater kicked on, 2 or 3 of these wicked looking crickets (that look like jumping spiders) would come in through the vents. Gross? YES! We took to keeping our shoes by the vents so we could easily smash them. Nasty. Everyone that lives in Ar knows what kind of cricket I am talking about. Ick.


We finally got a bug guy to come out and spray the house, and that combined with a horribly long, cold winter is what we think finally exterminated them. But we are haunted by the crickets. Once, the showerhead was dripping in the master bath, and we spent a good 15 minutes with the lights on at 3am, searching our bedroom with shoes in hands, looking for the cricket jumping around that we thought was the cause of the noise.

Anyway, about a year ago, one of the girls selected a Chuck E Cheese toy that looks IDENTICAL to the dang crickets.

The image below is the most alike that I could find to the one we have.
Trust me, this is not your average spider ring fake-out. There are bugs here that look almost exactly like this.

This sucker is the same size, shape, and color of the crickets that sneak into the houses to torture the residents of Northwest Arkansas.

It doesn't matter that it has been a good year or two since we've had a cricket sighting in our house.

The memory of finding them everywhere still haunts me.

And now this, this TOY is causing me to lose sleep.
I can't get rid of it!

Every time I think I have thrown it away for the LAST time, it reappears...in the sock drawer, in the shower, on my pillow, in the closet, on the floor behind the toilet...anywhere.


And it scares the crap out of me. every. single. time.

I can't even tell you how many times I have "killed" it with a shoe or rolled magazine, then screamed a second time, when it didn't "die", but instead bounced off the pillow and came flying at me.

And Aaron just thinks it is sooooohohoho funny, and laughs and laughs at me until his face turns purple,
or until there's a "cricket" on his pillow.


THEN it's not so funny.

I've had this post typed up for awhile, and I keep meaning to publish it, but I've waited because I wanted to include a picture of said fake cricket.


Unfortunately, I can't find it.
The last time it freaked me out, it was in the drawer in my nightstand. I jumped out of bed when it touched my hand as I reached in the drawer for a pen and journal. Aaron hahaha'd a good 10 minutes that time.


And I can't find it now, which only means one thing.

He has stashed it again.
He has hidden that little bugger somewhere in this house, and I know that Aaron is just waiting to hear me scream when I discover it, so he can die laughing at me for falling for it again!


Well, laugh it up now, Baby,
because once I DO find that cricket, some hardcore payback is coming your way.


And if I happen to catch YOUR jumpy scream on camera...
it is so going up on the blog.


Then, that evil little Chuck E Cheese toy is going to find a new home (again), because even fake bugs are gross, and this little war has gone on long enough.