That is the Man Cold.
It is horrible.
Unfortunately, today our topic of discussion is not about the Man Cold, but the one physical ailment that can happen upon a family that is far far worse...
The Man Injury.
Less common than the Man Cold, but unlike the Man Cold, there are no preventative measures that can be taken to avoid having the Man Injury strike your household at any given moment.
Here are the facts:
-Man Injuries are ALWAYS preceded by a variation of the phrase, "Have fun and don't hurt yourself"...said by the wife as he nods and heads out the door.
-Man Injuries come in many forms and one can expect anything from a broken nose, a bruised toenail (will later become infected and gross you out) a bum knee, a "jammed" thumb (today's injury of choice...I think it is sprained at the least, maybe broken. His hand is swollen to twice it's size... but I'm no doctor), a thrown out back, pulled hamstring....the list goes on and on and on.
-Man Injuries CAN BE FATAL....to a marriage ...and possibly to the remote control.
-Man Injuries cause extreme grouchiness.
-Man Injuries do not require a trip to the doctor to "have that checked out". Your care is expected to be enough.
-You will never be able to do enough to meet the demands of the victim of the Man Injury.
-The inexpensive trip to the doctor will become an IMMEDIATE need to be seen by the victim, and you will probably end up in the ER to have your Man Injury examined at the least convenient time you can possibly imagine.
-Man Injuries are primarily caused by Turkey Day Pass times, Intramural Football, and (in our case) Church Basketball
FAQ's:
-Is it appropriate to move out of the house until the Man Injury heals?
Unfortunately, no. Most Man Injuries last longer than necessary. Your moving out will only encourage the frozen pizza/take out diet and access to unlimited ESPN. Victims of Man Injuries are not bothered by a messy home and dirty laundry, and therefore won't miss your presence once they adjust to having you gone and move the alarm clock and a mini frig to be within reach of the sofa.
-Who can I call on for help?
No one! The biggest problem with the Man Injury is that all sympathy must go to the victim, not the caretaker. You could fall into a black hole, birth a 15 pound baby, or fracture your spine in the next 3 weeks and still expect all phone calls, cards, and flowers to be addressed to the man of the house with the Man Injury.
-Will he ever go to the doctor?
Yes. Eventually, the victim will realize that his Man Injury is not healing (despite your efforts with home remedies and endless supply of ice packs), and will grow tired of moaning and wailing for attention and realize he needs an ace bandage or a cast or something to up the ante.
8 comments:
It helps a bit when your hubby knows how to treat his injury. But I will agree, there is nothing that compares to the Man Injury. It aggravates me to know end how our grown men can turn into 3 year olds as soon as they get a booboo.
SO Funny... We have had this problem at our house plenty of times. Mine waits way too long to go to the dr.
Laughing so hard right now! I totally could've written this post (except it wouldn't have been nearly as funny) about Jimmie.
And I'll add these observations on Man Injury:
-It's never his fault (and sometimes it's actually yours)
-Any care or solution you offer will neither be right nor your idea if it works.
-It will happen on a week that will cramp your style and cause you to re-schedule plans you'd made
-If it requires a cat scan or MRI it will happen while you're in the final stages of labor and delivery!
Oh poor Aaron!!! Just kidding. Poor you. The good news is that he has a few weeks to heal before you go into labor. By the way, if you had the same injury at the same time his would still be worse its just the way it is. Remember my surgery day when dad ended up calling Amy to take him to the er. It just happens.
Love you,mom
LOL So true, so true...
I so agree with this. Rob was once sick with a man "cold" and slept in the guest room cause I didn't want to get sick too and he had me put the baby monitor in there in case he needed me...he did and I ran in and he said he was too "weak to open the Nyquil bottle". No joke.
Hahahahahahahahaha!
That is the coolest post EVER. Even though I've only given birth 3times, and none were multiples, I have 4 kids. ESPECIALLY when the oldest one gets sick or hurt.
My husband decided last year that the morning we were supposed to go hiking at Zion Nat'l Park, he needed to go to Instacare for an ingrown toenail that had been festering for MONTHS. Nice timing, eh? (We had driven to St George the night before) To be fair, it WAS in bad shape, and ended up needing to be removed...
I ended up taking the kids hiking on the bluffs, to the dollar store and the park and getting take out on my own, so he could rest quietly and recover. Nice vacation....so glad we had driven 5 hours to do the same things I could've done in the comfort of my own home/city.
Nat! I never heard that story! You've been holding out on me. WoW!
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