The Day From Ten Hells.
Seriously.
You can all start feeling sorry for me now.
Just to clarify...this was no "potty accident"...but an act of defiance from Child #1, who was angry about being sent to time out for another act of defiance.You can all start feeling sorry for me now.
Child #2 has a new molar that came in OVERNIGHT, but as a result she's also got a low grade fever and what feels like "diarrheas since Easters".
I feel pretty bad for her though, since there is not a lot I can do for her pain.
Hopefully, the rest will work their way through and her troubles will pass quickly.
Child #1 also has my sympathy, but only because kids who pull this kind of crap (no pun intended) usually end up in hard core therapy at some point in their adult life. I know WHY she did it. It's the only thing she feels like she has total control over, and she knows my face will turn 3 shades of crimson when I discover her naughty deed. But how do I FIX the problem? Don't say anything that involves a spanking, or heavy guilt. She is apparently immune to both, so don't even bother. My favorite part is that she first took off her clothes and underwear, and cleared the stuffed animals out of the way, so she wouldn't get them dirty. SHE KNOWS it's disgusting.
The worst punishment I could think was to not make a huge deal or satisfy the desire for attention. During her tantrum, she "broke" (took apart) the tower off her Barbie castle...so that has been moved to the garage until she shows enough respect for her toys to earn it back. She also had to finish her time out (because in my house, crapping on the floor is not a get out of jail free card), and of course I made her clean it up herself. She wasn't happy about that part, but I'm not happy about having to sneak in and Resolve her carpets while she's at preschool tomorrow, either. If you are a reader, and your children have done this..and they did NOT grow up to be a serial killer, please leave a comment below and let me know my child will turn out alright. Other advice/pity is also welcome. I'll find a prize for you if any of it works...not that I expect this to happen again...
What is it about Mondays?
FYI i took the photo while she was in the bathroom cleaning herself up...I didn't just leave the poop to hang out there for awhile, or anything. (not like that would have made the scene any less gross... but still, it's worth mentioning.)
20 comments:
nothing like a poop picture to make me sick.
sorry. sorry. sorry.
i think you did the right thing. trying not to completely over react and having her clean it up.
sorry.
Hi Meg - Kasey's sister, Sara here... this sounds all too familiar. I just want to say that YOU DID ALL THE RIGHT THINGS! I had a 3 year old who refused to use the potty -- as a CONTROL MOMMY mechanism. He would poop in his underwear to PUNISH ME for things he didn't like me saying or enforcing. He was so conniving that he would ANNOUNCE what he was going to do before he did it -- just to get a reaction. So, when I decided to NOT REWARD him anymore with my reaction or verbage, it took away his satisfaction. When he did this horrible deed, I would ignore him for a few minutes, you know, to allow him to sit in his mess and feel it for a while. When I was ready to change his diaper, I took him by the hand -- NO EYE CONTACT, NO WORDS AT ALL--, led him to be changed, changed him with NO EYE CONTACT and NO COMMENTS. Within 2 days, he quit using his poop to punish me. Granted, he'll still throw a tantrum and slam a door or two, but I can always remove the door from the hinges if I have to. :-) When I came out on top in the final battle of the war, THAT was satisfying. Now he knows who's boss around here and he knows that if he messes with the boss, he gets the consequence. Consistency is the key. The kid has to finally show respect for the parent. It's hard work, but you did all the right things, especially making her clean it up and removing the broken toy. Good mommy!
the funny thing is that she separates using the potty from her behavior issues. We haven't had an "accident" in forever". She had gone potty maybe 30 min before. I'm totally amazed with the amount of control she has over her bodily functions....while I'm over here with NO control and pee my pants every time I throw up.
My sister has a child who took poop out of the toilet and drove it like a car all over the upholstered furniture - saying VROOM VROOM. Her other child habitually peed in the floor vents of the house. Neither have reached official adulthood - so it remains to be seen whether they will be serial killers or not.
I think that if you make her clean it up WITH HER BARE HANDS and place it in the potty, that might convince she really didn't like to have to touch it.
I wouldn't wait until the next day to Resolve the carpet. I would have her spray it and scrub it herself.
The other thing I thought of was taking away a privilege, like no movies for a week, then reminding her every time she wants to watch a movie that she made that choice. On the other hand, no movies for her in a punishment for you! My mom always said that when we were grounded it was more of a sacrifice for her than for us.
I speak from zero experience, so take it with a grain of salt!
My other thought is related to a temper tantrum my (then) 3 year old had in the grocery store. We went at 10 AM when he was fed and fresh, so I didn't anticipate too much in the way of problems. The minute we walked in, SCREAMING. So I gave him 2 chances to calm down (I really needed some groceries) but he didn't respond. So I walked out. No groceries, dragging kid in hand.
When he asked for his favorite lunch foods later that day, I somberly replied, "I'm sorry, I don't have any _________ because we didn't get to grocery shop.. because you chose to throw a fit." The next thing he asked for, I responded in the same way and gave him boring alternatives like bread or crackers or water. All day long, through dinner time, too. I was solemn and serious with him ALL DAY. No smiles, no hugs, no play.
I shopped at night, alone, for the next 3 weeks while Daddy was home sleeping with the children. I always told the kids I was going to the store in the evening before bed. S would ask if he could come, and I would say "NO because he threw a fit last time. Sorry."
The next time we went to the store together (3 weeks later), I reminded him that it was a privilege for him to come with me and I expected perfect behavior. He behaved and that was the end of that stunt. Of course, he replaced it with another power attempt, and another, but responding appropriately nips them in the bud. Eventually he'll be grown up. Easier to do it now than when he's 14, 15, 16...
Sara, it's funny that you and I parent so similarly! I guess we WERE raised by the same Mother, and she's pretty smart.
MEG, The first thing that popped into my mind is that she is doing this to get a specific reaction, i.e. Mom gets so upset that she loses control, and Reese gains it. In my opinion, the ONLY way to stop this, and it may take some time, is to avoid that reaction. Next time she whips out the WMD, calmly pick her up, strip her, set her in the bath. Mommy will be right back after she cleans up your mess (said as calmly as possible). Clean up mess, then bathe child, or do whatever to clean up the situation while she is waiting naked and hopefully cold in the tub. You might remove a loved privilege too, but I think a non-reaction will work wonders. I did this with Gunnar when he dragged his feet in the morning and fought me over clothes before school (trying to make us late, which he usually acheived). Once I stopped reacting emotionally, all the incentive was gone for him. I took about a week, but it worked! HTH.
well you gots a lot of advice so i am not gonna throw any in i am just going to say...i am sure she will be fine and grow into a lovely girl. you will be able to get your revenge when she is older and reads about this on your blog.
Hello, Suzy G's friend Angela here. You handled this crappy (ahem) situation magnificently!
My brother did this when he was a kid (only twice) and is now a productive, if a little eccentric, thirty year-old member of society. No serial killing, no larceny, nothing. He still shows high aptitude in getting people to do what he wants, but now uses his words. :)
I am certain your brilliant daughter will grow up to be a wonderful, well-adjusted woman.
This one's from my mom - she's an expert. :)
The one element I would add would be to make cleanup as uncomfortable and inconvenient as possible for the offender: cold water cleanup (no warm tubby--only cold throws of water) and yucky towel dry-off (scratchy, stained, ripped up towel, with little handling involved), having to sit wet and cold on a chair and watch mom painstakingly clean up the rest of the problem, and of course isolation from the family for a bit once the damage is all repaired (maybe including the related laundry). She'll get the message once the cost outweighs the payoff.
But, it must be matter-of-fact and without emotional charge of any kind. No matter what. If the offender complains, a simple and sympathetic "I'm sorry you chose that for yourself--it must be cold and scratchy, huh" will do.
oh.
I am so sorry.
That kid is awesome evil. Believe it or not, but lacey does the exact same thing, and I think for the exact same reasons. sorry sis.
Gross!!!!! Seriously, I think your best option is just to ignore the whole pooping issue on the floor. She knows she will get a reaction from you! She'll stop doing it. When she realizes it doesn't upset you.
We've been having poop issues at our house too lately. One day I was in the dining room and Hannah was in the living room watching a movie. Well all the sudden she comes in the room and tells me she is poopy. I look down and she has no diaper on. So I run to the living room and she had taken her poopy diaper off and then proceeded to sit in different spots in the living room so their were some fun poop spots in different areas of the carpet. Yesterday I woke up to find one or our dogs had pooped in one of the back bedrooms. Apparently one of them needed to go during the middle of the night and we didn't wake up to let them out so they did their business in the house. I am just glad I am over the morning sickness or I wouldn't have been able to deal with either one of those situations.
I WISH I were over the morning sickness!
Why does your brother insist on comparing your children to his dog?
You're probably thinking, "At least he commented - that jerk's been M.I.A." ha ha
He doesn't know me, but now he hates me.
naw, it's more like comparing Lacey to real people...
OH MAN, this is awful, although I had to snicker a little! I can't believe she did that!
Kacey. Because it's funny and unhelpful... which makes it more funny to me. And because mego knows I have no idea what she should do, besides laugh and enjoy the craziness of her kid crapping on the carpet, knowing it will pass, and eventually seem trivial. And its funny. Because I'm a jerk.
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