"At Worse... I Feel Bad for Awhi-i-ile, Yeah But Then I Just Smi-i-ile..."

Ok People. (and by people I mean my husband and the good folks at our local Walmart Supercenter) THIS is Rocky Road ice cream:

Contents:
Chocolate ice cream.
chopped or sliced almonds almonds.
mini marshmallows.
that's it.

My husband is a great guy. He really is. Every once in awhile he does a really nice thing and asks if I want a treat and every 'every once in awhile' I say, "of course".
Every time, I am dumb enough to request rocky road ice cream...and every time I am even dumb-er enough to convince myself that he will return with some.
A few times, he came home with Tin Roof Sundae, and once it was Pralines and Cream.
More often than not, it is Cookies n' Creme.

Finally, I questioned his love for me in a sweet loving way,

"what the heck is wrong with you? Don't you know what rocky road ice cream is? Seriously Aaron, is this a joke? Are you trying to set me up?"

Loving right?

His defense is weak.

A:"Well I never get the right kind of rocky road, and then you get mad at me...and I don't really even LIKE rocky road so I might as well have something I like, since you're not going to be happy with what I bring home anyway."

(wait, are we still talking about ice cream? This sounds like some kind of weird therapy session. That's fine....but if that's going to be the case, well... you should know by now that I EAT ICE CREAM FOR THERAPY. Rocky Road ice cream.)

Me:"of course you don't get the right kind. If if doesn't SAY "rocky road" on it...IT'S THE WRONG KIND."

Well, tonight I understood what he meant. I requested the Great Value rocky road ice cream. usually when it comes to rocky road, you can't go wrong with the generic stuff...they are too cheap to put anything weird in...just the basics. And in my experience, generic chocolate ice cream is some of the BEST stuff out there. Really.

He returns with Great Value Premium Rocky Road ice cream.
The carton has a lid. Well that's a bad sign in itself...generic ice cream comes in the crusty box. You open once side, eat 1/2 the ice cream, then flip it over and open the other end. This prevents your knuckles from getting a paint job from digging to the bottom of the box. Also, ice cream is less appetizing when you're scraping the last little bitties from the carton. It's just not the same as a good healthy scoop. Flipping the carton halfway through provides the illusion of a fresh box to work with.

Apparently there is Great Value ice cream, and Great Value Premium ice cream. Wanting to make his impossible-to-please-wife happy, Aaron opted for the premium. Nice Right?
Mistake numero uno, buddy.
Not examining the photo on the carton was mistake numero dos.

Does this photo represent my description? No? Ok then. It is NOT rocky road. Simple.
Seriously, what is that? Marshmallow swirl? chocolate chunks??? no. no. NO.

Great Value Premium Rocky Road:
-has a heaping amount of Chocolate chunks (buzz)
-a "delicious" blend of marshmallow swirl (buzz)
and
-premium chocolate covered whole almonds (buzz)

Three strikes and you're OUT Great Value Premium.

I hesitantly mention my disappointment to Aaron and he pulls out an "I TOLD YOU SO"

WHAT?
he then reminds me of the time he bought the Edy's Slow Churned Rocky Road.

" Sugar Free gross "

And the time he bought Heavenly Hash....which LOOKED like Rocky Road in the picture.

"Um...For the record, Heavenly Hash is wannabe rocky road. There are chocolate chunks, and instead of almonds you have peanuts. Good, but not as heavenly as PLAIN OLD ROCKY ROAD!"

Ok, so MAYBE I'm being a little harsh on the guy. Especially since he is not a lover of the Rocky Road as I am. Maybe they're really all the same to him.

Or maybe, just MAYBE, once he has a taste of the good stuff, he'll fall under the marshmallow spell, as I have, and come on over to the good side of the fight. Upon closer examination of the ice cream aisle at Walmart, I'm going to cut the guy some slack. For now, my request is simple:

Dear Walmart,
Could you PLEASE stop providing SO MANY loser rocky road options? We've had enough of your gross low-fat, made-with-Splenda substitutes. Marshmallow creme and mini marshmallows are only equal in value when you are making rice crispy treats. I don't eat my ice cream melted...and I WANT MINI MARSHMALLOWS. I'll be back soon. Yeah, me again...I'm pretty sure my Aaron has given up on ever attempting to bring home Rocky Road again.

And could you please call me the next time you have Edy's Special Edition Girl Scout Cookie Thin Mint in Chocolate in stock? Yes, I know it's only once a year...I'd like to stock up before you run out on me, like last time. It's ok, I forgive you....but I hope you've hired new people in your replenishment dept. Thank You.

Now I'm going to go "enjoy" some Rocky Hash (well... that's what you SHOULD be calling it anyway...it's not good enough to be called Heavenly Road) Great Value Premium ice cream.