Coming Attractions

So there's this grocery bagger that works at Allens in Bella Vista, named Max.
Probably the nicest human being on earth. He hugs every person that leaves the store and hands out suckers to the kiddies. Great guy.

Last night I went to a Relief Society planning meeting at a friend's house. Having never been to the house in the daylight, I drove right past her driveway. Her neighbor came running from his yard and flagged me down. "Stop! If you're looking for the Binghams, you just passed it. There are a lot of cars in her driveway, so if you need to, feel free to park anywhere on my property. Have a nice day. Tell them Max said, 'hello'."

Whoa. Nice neighbor.
I'm surprised he didn't offer to carry my purse into her house for me. Then I made the connection that Tonya's Max was the Allens' Max.

Question: How do I score a Max for a neighbor instead of the circus tent I have going up on my street?
No, really. I want to know.
The Binghams have a Max, who has literally been voted as the nicest person in Bella Vista and I have a Keith. And a Flattop Mike. And a Crack Charlie with a freaking mini horse in his living room. And a Naked Marge. And remember Cindy? The one who gave me the sequined flapper dress with the fleas in it?
And a Henry.

Speaking of Henry, he was outside when I got home today, so we exchanged our typical friendly hello's and how are you's and I told him that we are going to be listing the house in the next month.

His response was sweet.
"Ooooh, that's bad timing for what I've got going on right now. Do you think it will affect the sale of your house much if I start using my crockpots on the porch? A friend was throwing these out, just because the bottoms are broken off. Can you believe that? They work perfectly fine, too. I'm going to rig em up so they'll still work, but I'd like to do all my cooking outside, in case they tip over, the mess will be outside on the porch."

For those of you who live far away, let me explain one thing: outdoor cooking in Bella Vista = vermin and bugs. You don't leave food outside all day, here. You just don't.

Wow. You know you've lived in Arkie for awhile when you use a word like vermin. When did that one become a regular in my vocabulary? Gross.

Anyway, patio crockpot cuisine coming right up at Cirque du Our Neighbors.
Do I really need another reason to get out of here?

House for sale. Tell your friends. Or enemies. I'm indifferent.
But if you do happen to be friends with a bearded lady, send her my way.
I'm willing to make her a deal she won't be able to refuse.