You know you're a redneck if....

Nelson called yesterday to tell me he had arrived at our house to prep for pouring our concrete patio.

I told him we'd be home in a minute, and not to "be alarmed, but there's a live groundhog trapped under the bucket near the fence."

Nelson: "Ok, Uhhh....did you want me to exterminate him for you?"

Hmmm....do I?

Yes. Yes. I do.
But not in my yard.


So, Nelson happily packed up Lil Phil


Hahahahaha, if only I had caught his face when I psyched him out. It was so funny. I insisted that Phil could still get out of there, but Nelson assured me that the secured lid was sufficient.

Or not.

The minute we walked away from the closed container, the lid came flying off the bucket and up into the air. I screamed, and Nelson sprinted back over to it, grabbed the lid, threw it back on as fast as he could, and said, "Ok, I think we might need to get a rope."


So Phil was tied up,

thrown into the back of a truck,
and taken home to Nelson's house....

where he was shot with a pellet gun, skinned, and is now soaking in a salt water bath.
Nelson plans to fire up his roasting pan tomorrow night and cook us up a Groundhog feast.
He promises to bring me a sample.
I requested only a bite size sample.


That's right.
we are freaking going to eat Groundhog Phil.

with lettuce, of course.

You mess with my garden and I will destroy you.
(I'm back to sounding tough again. yay.)

"Cuz I caught him in the Autumn in my garden one night..."

Ladies and Gentleman,
it's Groundhog Day.

After discovering Punxatawny Phil's nasty little lair under my deck out back, I filled his hole with water and flushed him out. I was certain that the arrival of the 4 ft snake and the completion of our fence would keep Lil' Phil from returning to my garden for lunch, but...

I was wrong.
He is back.

I saw him today, making his way across my yard. Headed for my garden! "He was robbing me, raping me! Rooting through my rutabaga, raiding my arugula and ripping up the rampion, my champion! My favorite!..."

I'm sure he just laughed at my feeble attempt to keep him out with a wire fence. I just assumed that after all the lettuce he's been helping himself to this week, that he'd eventually be too fat to fit through the wire holes. Well, he's almost too fat.

I'd had enough.
So I caught him.

And as a special treat for the 3 of you out there who still read this blog, I give you video coverage.

Grab some popcorn, and enjoy the show.
(the videos are about 1 min each)

Attempt #1: Meg's butt tries to catch a groudhog (but mostly Meg's butt....my trash is not really that big, Reese was holding the camera, ok?)



Attempt #2: It's in the bag...er...bucket


I LOVE Reese's, "Get him, mommy!" It reminds me of the scene at the end of Monster's Inc. when Randal gets stuck in a trailer and the Hillbillies chase him around, bopping him on the head with a frying pan screaming, "Git him, Momma! Git that ugly gator!"

Reese wants to "keep him as a pet, and name him Buttercup."
Quincy wants the "snake to come eat him up in the cage."

I want to pop him on the head with a shovel, because I think it would make me extra cool if I could say that I killed it, but as you can see from the video, I'm not exactly tough.

One thing is certain, Lil' Phil has got to go.

I have something very special planned for him. Very special. I promise it will not disappoint.
Until then, I'll be singing, "Don't you ever never ever mess around with my greens!"

To be continued....