From the Sofa

Aaron (from the sofa): You being productive over there?

Meg: Who, me? Am I supposed to be being productive, right now?

Aaron (laughs): It's ok.

Meg: Really? What do you expect me to be doing right now, Aaron? It's 11 o'clock.

Meg: Aaron. Aaron? Are you asleep right now?

Aaron: Shh. It's a joke.

Meg: Well I don't think it is funny, then I thought you were sleeping. That would have been better than your lame joke.

Aaron: It's Nancy's joke.

Meg: Nancy who? Davis?

Aaron: No, from work...(long pause)...with the order.

Meg: Who?

Aaron: She isn't productive. (laughs) It's funny.

Meg: What?

Aaron: What.

Meg: I don't get this joke.

Meg: Hello? Aaron. Aaron! Oh. my. gosh! You ARE sleeping! Crap! HOW do I always fall for this? It's like when my Dad butt-dials our phone. I answer EVERY time! Now I'm mad AND you're not funny.

Aaron: What's funny?

Meg: Nothing. You are alseep.

Aaron: Hey! Shhh! I'm sleeping.

From the Sofa

In a sound sleep, Aaron just turned to me and said, "No more."

Me: "No more what?"

Aaron: "Mittens. We're buying. No more buying mittens. Everyday mittens. No more buying mittens."

You got it, baby.

Just TAKE it!

So apparently, last night I woke up Aaron insisting that he take the alarm clock from me. He says I kept smacking his shoulder, telling him to wake up. Then I'd wave my arm around, holding out an imaginary alarm clock in his direction, saying, "Here! Would you take this, please?! Just put it on the dresser!" and wouldn't quit until he finally "took" the nothing from my hands.

I have NO recollection of this, whatsoever.

Sleepytime Basketball

from a snoring coma on the couch:

Aaron: WHO?! Who am I supposed to be?

Meg: What?

Aaron: Who am I supposed to guard? Up top? It's on.

"I hear the secrets that you keep, when you're talking in your sleep."

Aaron has been busting out one liners at me from his slumber on the sofa. Usually, I can keep the conversation going if I respond quickly enough, but I've had no such luck tonight. But, for your reading pleasure, I give you a running list of everything that's been said to me over the past hour.

I'd love to hear your theories on what you think he is dreaming about.

"You'd better get going."

"He hrmnen sanadnrnem mndndnhm....and yelled at me again"

"Did you lock your door to the van?"

"What did she ever do to you?"

"no. I ate on the way home."

"nfhad abslfndfrmnem...because it's ugly."

"I hear the secrets that you keep...when you're talking in your sleep..."

Oh how I've missed a good conversation with Aaron in his sleep...

Monday night-

Meg: Aaron, wake up it is time for prayers
Aaron: I can't kneel, I hurt my knee (rolls over. buries face in pillow)
Meg: You did? How?
Aaron: (dosing off again) Huh? Uhhh fishing. It hurts. I'm not kneeling on it tonight.
Meg: A fishing injury. Haha, seriously? How lazy does THAT sound? That's like complaining about a "Sitting Injury", or a "Taking a Nap Injury". How on Earth did you hurt your knee while fish---hey! are you even listening to me? You're asleep again. Wake up.
Aaron: We really need to wrap this up
Meg: What? Prayers? ... Aaron?
Aaron: ....zzz....
Meg: Aaron!
Aaron: I can't answer that at this time.
Meg:???? Ok. Did you really hurt your knee, or are you just asleep and have no idea what you are talking about?
Aaron: You're going to have to talk to the buyer about that.
Meg: Crap. Forget it
Aaron: It's a different category. Contact the buyer.

This is about the time my pillow hit the back of his head and he realized he was talking in his sleep. What really sucks is that when he goes to sleep he apparently starts out fishing, but then somehow ends up at work. Lame when work starts paging your dreams, too.
Wouldn't be the first time...

Spider Rats

Imagine it is 3:30 in the morning. You lie asleep in bed exhausted after a weekend away from home, and a 17 hour drive from Lordsberg, New Mexico to your home in California. Your mom, sister and two nieces are so exhausted from the drive that they decide to stay the night with you, because it is just so late and they still have another two hours of driving to do. Suddenly, the bed creaks. You open your tired eyes to see your sister STANDING ON THE BED totally freaking out.

HolleeAnn: MEG! What are you doing? Get down, you're going to fall.

Meg: Aaaauggghhhh! Aaaaauugggh!

HolleeAnn: MEG! Look at me!

Meg: AUUUUGGHHHHhhhh!

HolleeAnn: MEGAN. GET DOWN... MEG! You're standing on the freaking bed. What's the matter with you?! Get down.

Meg: What WAS that?! It's over there...by the wall!

HolleeAnn: Meg there is nothing there. JUST LIE DOWN. You're going to break your neck.

Meg: (shudders) I feel like it's on me still....it just came right out of the wall.

HolleeAnn: Just get down before you fall. Do you even realize you are standing?

Meg: They're like Spider-Rats or something...it's over there. by the wall.

HolleeAnn: MEGAN YOU'RE SLEEPING! there is nothing there. I promise. GET DOWN. GO TO SLEEP.

Then I wake up...

Yep. I'm standing on my sisters bed. teetering over her head.
Where am I? How did I get here? Where are my children?...most importantly....where is that freaky rat thing with the spider legs that I dreamed was coming through the air vents?

Meg: ok THIS is what happens when you give me regular Dr. Pepper late at night. I just need some sleep.

Since I regularly share my sleepytime conversations with Aaron, I thought it was only fair that just this once, I would give a little insight to what it's like for him to share a bed with me. Apparently, I also recently yelled at him to "take the missile out of our refrigerator before leaving for work in the morning". You know, just like every wife does. Along with "bye honey, have a good day", "lock the door when you leave", and "don't forget it's trash day".

By the way, HolleeAnn, we really need to take some new pictures together. That one is like 2 and 1/2 years old...

Sleepytime Conversations...Trespassers!

Meg: "Aaron, come to bed."

Aaron: "Ok, I'm just waiting"

Meg: "waiting? ...for what?"

Aaron: "the trespassers"

Meg: "Aaron, wake up. Come to bed"

Aaron: "SHHH! ...they're coming. Leave the light on."

Meg: "Don't shush me. wake up. you're talking crazy in your sleep."

Aaron: "HEY. MEG. QUI-ET"

Meg: "Seriously?! don't get all mean, just come to bed."

Aaron: "you should take some of that advice yourself."


Meg: "Hey Aaron, the trespassers are coming."

Aaron: "Uh yeah, I know....write their names down."

Later that night

Taking my advice, Aaron had finally wandered down the hall and collapsed into bed-still fully dressed in his work clothes. I climbed into bed as well, figuring I would just have to go to the store early the next morning with the kids.
Fast Forward to about 3:30am. Quincy wakes up for her middle-of-the-night-feeding. As i get out of bed to go nurse her, I glance over at Aaron sleeping next to me with his hands tucked peacefully behind his ears...then i notice he is totally undressed from the waist down.

Meg: "Aaron...where your clothes? Why are you naked?"

Aaron: (groggy and confused begins feeling his hands across his chest and tugs at the collar on his dress shirt) "what? I'm not."

Meg: "Seriously...what the heck happened to your pants? You had pants, a belt, socks and underwear on when you came to bed"

Aaron: "oh...those...yeah well I had to take them off"

Meg: "what? why?

Aaron:"to go to walmart"

Meg:"what?! Aaron. wake up"

Aaron: "shhh...i'm sleeping" (rolls over) "hey...(accusingly)...where are my pants!"

Back By Popular Demand

Setting: It's about 7pm and after a long day at home with the girls, I realize I still need to go to walmart to get diapers for Quin and pick up the food for a baby shower I was going to be hosting the following day. Aaron graciously volunteered to make the trip to the store for me and said he would leave after we got the kids settled into bed. By 8pm he was asleep on the sofa.

Meg: "Aaron, it's 9:30. You said you would go to the market for me tonight."

Aaron: "yeah...i'm going" (rolls back over)

Meg:"Aaron, this sucks...i would have gone myself at 7 when it was still light out...but you said you would go for me. Now it's late and it's freezing outside...you can't back out now, that isn't fair."

Aaron:"what?"

Meg:"Aaron! wake up and go to the store."

Aaron: "Meg. Relax. I already did"

Meg: "did what? you haven't moved in the last hour."

Aaron:"I already washed the pancakes off the sofa, leave me alone."

Meg: "Ok...you are asleep. wake up and talk to me."

Aaron:"what? ...you want me to go tonight?!"

Meg: "I swear if i end up going to walmart tonight i'm going to be so flippin pissed off.

Aaron: "okay."

Meg: "Aaron, go to bed."

Sleepy Conversations With Aaron 2

Meg: "hey, do you think you could get me some water?"

Aaron: (disgusted) "What?!"

Meg: "DO...YOU...think you could GET...ME..some WAT-ER?"

Aaron: "...what do you need?"

Meg: "WA-TER." "...PLEASE." "...are you awake?"

Aaron:(disgusted and irritated) "What?!"

Meg: "Aaron. Wake up."

Aaron: "Meg. Just tell me what your problem is...what do you need."

Meg: (sigh)"Water."

Aaron: "WHAT?!"

Meg: "forget it."

Aaron: "WHAT?!!"

Meg: (also irritated) "Well I was trying to get the baby to sleep, but i am really really thirsty. I thought you could get me some water, but i didn't realize you were sleeping when i first asked...so just forget it, i guess."

Aaron: (big sigh) "What?!" "...Yeah you've definiately got Polly."

Meg: "what?!"

Aaron: (sits straight up and looks me directly in the eye) "YOU'VE. GOT. POLLY."

Meg: "what?! ...what the crap is polly? what are you talking about?!"

Aaron: (looks at me like I am a complete idiot) "PAH.-LEEE."

Meg: "What?!"

Aaron: "what's your problem?!"

Meg: "Aaron, go get me a water. no. ...just go to bed. you are asleep."

Aaron: (sigh) "yeah...It's this new item."

Meg: "what???"

Aaron: "now YOU'RE polly!"

Meg: "(you've got to be kidding me!) AARON! WAKE UP! GO TO BED.

Aaron: (now startled awake and very confused) "hey...why are you yelling about? geez... what's your problem? what do you need!?

Meg: "hey do you think you could get me some water?

Aaron's bedtime prayer: when work and sleep collide

Proof that my husband is over worked and under paid...

At about 11pm last night, I woke Aaron up from what i call a "TV induced coma" and told him it was time to say prayers and come to bed. His reply was, "ok, you say the prayer." and then he rolled over on the sofa and went back to sleep with his arms folded reverently. I woke him up again and said, "no way...if I pray, then you'll just sleep until i wake you up to say amen. YOU should say it, because then you'll stay awake." He agreed, sat up and began to pray.

After about 2 sentences, I noticed his words getting farther apart. His prayer then continued on as follows:

Aaron: "...and we are so grateful...to be members... (many sleep-like deep breaths)...in this new season...at Sam's Club."

at this point I open my eyes to see Aaron slouching deeper into the sofa again...now snuggled up on a pillow. I almost wake him up but then the prayer continued:

Aaron: "we ask thee.... bless the chicken...in this new season....in the clubs...help the new chicken ...(more sleepy breaths)...products...please bless us...to have good profit margins...we are thankful for the profit margins. ...and for the chicken."

He went on for 2 more minutes, blessing the chicken, Dan (his boss), the high profit margins and expressing sincere gratitude for our Sam's Club membership.

We'll find out soon how the new chicken products did.