"Breakdown! Go Ahead and Give It To Me...Breakdown Toni-i-ight..."

See Meg wear flip flops.
See Meg wear her flip flops to Target.
See Meg TOTALLY SLIP in her flip flops on mystery white liquid near the checkout aisle at Target.
See Target employee FREAK OUT and try to help and make restitution.
See Meg leave angry not for reasons that she SHOULD be angry.

Yeah. So flip flops and wet linoleum do NOT mix, and I skidded right through a spilled ICEE that had dripped all the way from the machine, past the registers and down the main aisle toward the grocery dept. Luckily I was pushing Quincy in a shopping cart so I was able to catch myself on the cart before I ended up flat on my back, but I slid just enough to tweak me into a funky squat (of COURSE i was wearing a SKIRT).
AND OF COURSE it scared me and hurt enough that I TOTALLY peed my pants a little.

You know, like the "9-months-pregnant cross-your-legs-when-you-cough" kind of pee. But I was wearing a skirt, and it was just enough that I looked down, saw the pina colada ICEE all over the floor, felt the pain of a contaction, the awkwardness of my almost-fall position, and the scant urine escape my body and thought,

YES!
MY WATER BROKE!
HALLE-freaking-LUJAH!!!

But noooooo. No such luck.
INSTEAD, I got the sales associate frantically helping me up with one hand, and angrily hollering into the intercom radio with the other,
"I'm SO SORRY. ARE YOU OK?! HEY!!! WE HAVE A SPIL on the floor on the main aisle and A PREG-NANT LADY just slipped in it!!! I repeat. SOMEONE needs to get down here NOW and clean up this mess that the PREGNANT LADY slipped in! She's SO PREGNANT and could have been hurt. THE MAIN AISLE has a spill that needs cleaning up. I'm here at with the PREGNANT LADY who slipped in it..."

he just went ON AND ON AND ON. I think he shouted PREGnant LADY (Lady? really? Better than Ma'm I guess...but I feel old) a gazillion times.

I wanted to curl up and die.

Everyone was staring at me, or asking me if I was ok. I was embarrassed, but more than anything I was really just mad at the stupid ICEE for just being an ICEE and was pissed off that my water indeed had NOT broken.

Apparently my bladder control, pride, and ability to watch where I'm walking broke a long time ago.