The other mothers

I found out today that the bio mother of one of the  children we fostered is dead. 

I predicted this would happen and I hate that it happened.  

I mothered this woman’s child.  I feel connected to her.  I went to her hearing after an arrest and wasn’t allowed in. Did she know I wondered and worried about her? That I kept her baby safe and hoped she was safe?  That I called CASA and DHS months and years after the case closed to express concerns and no one heard me and no one followed up on a closed case.  She was overlooked, or only seen for mistakes and problems, and unseen once the case closed.  

To me, she was not invisible. Her life mattered even when it seemed no one was rooting for her. 

This system. 

This cycle. 

These children.  

We’ve got to do better.  

I have so many more thoughts about all of this, about her. My feelings are big. I don’t really expect anyone to quite understand…because who can relate to the death of your temporary baby mama?  But my mind spent a LOT of time emotionally connecting with and knowing this woman without ever even formally meeting her. I hope she knew that at least one person out there was thinking about her, wondering if she was safe, sheltered, and sober.  And even though she never saw me there, I hope she knows someone showed up, and someone notices and cares that she is gone.  

To the other mama: there’s rest and work waiting for you on the other side. May you feel welcomed, seen, and whole there. 

Rest In Peace, 

The Other Other Mama.