Meg Reads: Why are you still sending your kids to school?

This is a 2 part post that should be a 3 part post. In favor of just getting my muddy thoughts documented while still en route to answers and resolutions, I’m hitting “publish” on a very rough first draft dumping zone of thoughts, without taking the time to proof read, organize ideas or correct run on sentences like this one.  This blog is about preservation and recording  my family stories, and this post is a work of thoughts in progress. I am choosing not to edit because many of my feelings evolve daily, and I want to capture several parts of the process. Maybe when my children are faced with big decisions to make, someday, they will read this post and remember that they are the captains of their ships, and it’s ok to jump on a new route and let things unfold as they learn along the way.  I am both terrified or failure and not at all afraid to fail at the same time. 

That makes no sense. 

Maybe what I mean to say is that I don’t want to fail, but I am not afraid to. 

 Ok let’s first start with the book review. That’s what you came here for. (fact: that’s not what anyone comes here for, but it’s what I’m offering, and you we are, reading, so the book is where I shall begin. Hooray for my 2020 resolution to read!) 

Ok. This was an audiobook recommended to me by several homeschoolers. 

 I’m still on the homeschool thing. 

Do/have you homeschool(ed)?  Let’s talk! I’d love to hear about your experience and learn from you! 

The book poses several reasons why NOT to send kids to traditional schools. I don’t have a ton of reasons and couldn’t relate to most of the specific examples given. So many, that I called them, “not my why nots” 

Here are some of my not WHYs: 

I don’t think public school has completely failed my kids, or anything. 

I’m not overly terrified of Covid (concerned? Absolutely. But covid is not my only reason.)

I don’t think I’m smarter than teachers. 

Why then, am I still pulled to homeschool? 

I imagine public education like a funnel. You have all these children with different needs and interests, and they are all funneled through the system to create one product: “Excellence” BPS’s main goal is for the outcome to be excellent. Even the district motto is “where excellence lives”. 

I see huge differences even between the children in my own family.  Instead of shuffling everyone along to create these excellent products with excellent grades and making sure everyone is the bestest and most excellent of excellence when they come out, what if we focus on the process? The whole goal of school here seems to be to qualify them for more (excellent) school. The education funnel is backwards. We should be focusing on the one child, and opening a whole world to them. There are innumerable ways to pursue excellence and fill the measure of our creation.   I know that an elementary school with 500 students, following a district with a dozen other elementary schools, working under state mandates that cover hundreds upon hundreds of elementary schools simply cannot go after the one.  That’s how my 10th grader was shuffled along until 6th grade before someone heard my pleas to test her for learning disabilities.  

It wasn’t the public school that catered to the one. It was me. Demanding assessments. 

I, the mother, can go after my one. I CAN cater an education for my specific children. 

I’m conducting an experiment and flipping the funnel around for a semester. What new paths will my young children have the freedom to explore when they are presented with infinite growth mindset instead of being whittled down until they fit into the fixed plan? I’m just rearranging our learning a little to fit our family dynamics. I’ve tried fitting our family into the district learning funnel and for the past several years it buried the kids and buried me. In December we catch our breath and hold our heads above the surface until spring. By March we run away to collect enough air to survive 4th quarter, and then the marathon of April-May nearly suffocates us. This fall, my eye twitched for WEEKS. Eye twitching?! What even IS that? Exhaustion? Anxiety? Stress? A gentle Pushing 40 reminder? Annoying? 

Answers: Yes to all of the above. 

And then I will talk to other mothers of large families. See what they’re doing and how they’re doing it and they’re either totally fine or they’re eye-twitching in solidarity. 

So then I would coach myself. Teach my children when they can’t home from being taught all day. Power through 9 months of straight survival mode.  

Is there no other way? I mean, is it this or homeschool? Or move to a subdivision right near the epicenter so we are close enough to just grab on right and ride out the next few years of crazy? 

I refuse to believe there’s nothing better. That I have to martyr through the next 6 years of having children in 4+ different schools. 

So I guess I can’t sit and complain about my option if I don’t try out any alternatives. 

Which leads me to homeschool. 

I’m going to start with Soren and Sloane. Reese is currently testing the waters of BYU independent study via an online course. 

So I read this book to help self address some of my own why’s. I’ve already heard the  “what about socialization” question from too many to count. Which is laughable because when I look at the current state of traditional public education, I beg the same question, “What about socialization?” 

I haven’t even started homeschooling and I already just can’t with that question. Public school has been a social nightmare for a few of my children. 

I have strived to be honest and vulnerable so my interactions with others are 100% authentic. My directness is often off putting. 

I’m learning to be ok with this. “Socialization” to most people = like-able. 

Relate-able. I think the fear is that without shared method of education, children will be difficult to relate to, abd therefore be less like-able.

What’s better than like-able? Leveling up to: cooperative, persevering, kind, honest, genuine, creative, humble, teachable, efficient, empathetic, driven, fun, patient....

There’s so much better than like-able.  

The kids will be fine. 

This book covers the social concern quite a bit, and the author focuses on the need for connection....and when I listened to the types of connection yesterday and today, it hit some of my same thoughts I wrote about in a recent post about Corbin and quarantine. Regardless of where we are being educated or how formal that process is, we need connection to thrive. I’ve been through seasons of my adult life where I was surrounded by people but felt very alone.  Connections heal. I’ve also witnessed this in counseling with the twins. Trust Based Relational Intervention focuses of healthy relationships and connections to heal trauma.  

I liked the sub categories Blake lists out and will seek to help close up some connection holes I see in my children’s relationships with their peers, environment, work, family, etc. 

Blake also discusses the value of a degree. This was fascinating to me.  A study showed that of people were given the choice between receiving an Ivy League education with no degree/certificate and the certificate/degree but no education/knowledge... most people would choose the piece of paper. What?!  The fear of missing too many opportunities, growth, avd experiences without the certificate. 

What IS an Ivy League education if not an opportunity for growth?! Experiences! 

It’s the status. 

Pride is such a crafty little weasel.  

I digress and go back to the basic why: this is about my kids than it is about me. This is what I believe is best for (some) of them today. For now. 

There’s so much more I want to discuss from the book (YA years, etc) but I’ll stop this homeschool book discussion/stream of consciousness with a takeaway that connections are made in many ways.  The caregiver/child connection is critical for a few of my children, right now. If healthy connections are necessary for any learner grow an appreciation of their self worth, I need to insert my connection into their learning. 

  The Atonement is most effective when we “tether” ourselves to the Lord and connect our wills to His and follow personal revelation. I feel like this is what My family needs.  Even though I clearly don’t have a polished list of reasons WHY, to balance the reasons why not, I’m following the course I feel prompted to take and going for it. 

Hopefully, through connection with my kids, avd guiding them to connect with the Lord,  we will all become the most authentic, “best” versions of ourselves. 

Cheers to 2020-2021 school year and strengthening all the bonds. Hopefully stronger emotional ties will keep us from flailing about in a frazzled wreck, this fall.   

Why are you still sending your kids to school? 

Why am I? 

I hear that question and I do not have an immediate, solid answer. I cannot even say “because they LOVE it!”.  They’re just..in the funnel, because that’s where they are.  The education funnel is about to open up widely to them! And I get to be here at the tiny end where they start, cheering them on.