Coming home from this vacation was hard for me. Arkansas is definitely home to me, and I had even started to feel homesick for my little house and garden while we were gone. I think that is a sign that I have a good, happy life here. I'm ready to bid my home stare farewell, and that's kind of what we did on this trip, confirming that we probably won't return to visit there as a family for a really long time. So it was strange to go "home" for a last time when it isn't really home anymore. And weird again to leave "home" to come "home". It's true, I was only gone 12 days and really missed Arkansas. But then I stepped off the plane to the grossest June heat wave ever. That was not my favorite. My hydrangeas are like dead and my squash plants are close behind. And so, I'm still in mourning. A lot of things just went wrong on our trip and I'm still feeling like I missed something. I'm trying to post highlights mostly, since no one wants to read about everyone's allergic reactions to the hay and super nasty cold and sinus viruses and ear infections that took over our trip, an unresolved sibling quarrel, or any of the other disappointments we ran into along the way. In 12 days a lot of my "happy places" just felt less happy than they used to. Should I be grateful for this? Maybe it makes it easier to leave. I think I said "I'm never coming back here" like 10 times to Aaron in 12 days. I think the root to why I feel bummed about it all though, is because things and places are changing. I knew they were and I thought I was ok with it, until I went to say goodbye to places I love and they had already changed. I wanted to remember them a certain way, and it was a hard thing to see that my goodbye to the way things were actually happened 2 years ago.
Ok so that's nice and heavy. It was still a good trip, and the children loved all of our adventures, so I'll catch up on posting the good stuff to keep it positive.
I just want future me to remember that even though I'm typically pretty real on the ole blog here, sometimes there's a happy filter on there, and this is one of those times. Vacation is not always all sunshine and rainbows. I'll say no more about it here, but this was my face for a good portion of our trip. Claritin D take me away! Being sick on this trip sort of destroyed me. Hahaha Can I get a vacation do over?
I totally walked all over San Francisco like that. Whatever, man.
And now I'm off to take a billionth shower because this humidity is sick!
1 comment:
This is poignant. There is a grief associated with not being able to go back to a beloved place, especially a childhood one.
I threw up all over SF. My first time there. It was awful. Being sick on vacation is the worst thing in all the land.
Love your post. Thinking of you.
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