Pool Party

Our annual ward pool party was yesterday afternoon.  Aaron and the children had a great time. 

Pool parties stress me out. 

100 children and teens in a pool stresses me out. Everyone had fun (except the stressed out mothers who couldn't wait to get out of there.) I considered saving myself the anxiety by not attending, but my children wanted to attend, and I would have worried as much without being there to watch them.  

Sloane lived it up and got her snuggle on with some of her favorite baby holders, Makenzie, Karah, and Delayney. I was relieved for their service so I could count little heads in the pool and celebrate Quincy's overcome fear of the slide and watch Reese and Corbin do "cool tricks" off the diving board. 

I regret not wearing a suit (I had figured I'd be poolside holding Sloane), especially when I had to get halfway in the water to pull a rougue kidlet out when he didn't want to leave the fun. 

I'm thankful for a few friends who helped wrestle my runaway calf to the car. The parking lot chase me game happens every Sunday and I'm usually in a dress. 

The last two weeks, I've been working on an exercise to help me identify and track my anxiety triggers. It's been really helpful for Aaron to see why some things are no big deal and others completely shut me  down. I collapsed in bed at 9pm last night and slept hard....Until 3 am when I dreamed of pulling unconscious children out of the water over and over.  

Swimming pools are my number 1 trigger for anxiety. I'm feeling ready welcome Fall so I can pack that one away for a season. 

I wish I could've relaxed more, visited more, and gotten to know people yesterday.  I'm so impressed by the calmness of our hosts. I'm thankful to them for hosting a party for 300 people at their home, and to our hardworking ward council for the time they spend planning activities to have fun and unify our ward. There are so many little details that go into planning an event like this and they do a great job.  I hope my pool stress doesn't appear as ungrateful.  I feel like I should specify that "It's not you, it's me."   I just want to accurately document what life is like for the Willardsons, so when we read our blog in future years, we'll have a realistic history. Right now, reality = a mom who doesn't handle crowds or pools, or crowds in pools without a panic attack later. Why, oh why can my children not get this swimming thing figured out? It would relieve SO MUCH worry from my heavy laden mother heart.  Someday, when they do and this phase is over, I'm wearing a party hat to the pool. (Doubtful. I'll probably spend the whole time watching and worrying about the next young batch of non swimmers! Hahaha!)