Strike While the Iron is Hot:

Attention everyone everywhere!
This is the worst iron ever.

I know it sounds ridiculous to complain about the quality of an iron, especially since the problem has nothing to do with it's ability to press a shirt, but I am totally serious!
DO NOT BUY THIS PRODUCT.

We've gone through many many many irons around here.

One iron was boxed up and kept in storage for a year and a half while we bounced around with jobs and such after Aaron graduated. When we finally settled into our own place, the iron was full of rust and even after a thorough cleaning, it never recovered. We decided it was worth spending $20 for a replacement iron, rather than continuing to replace more ruined shirts every time the iron acted up pooped on our clothing.

Iron's #2 and #3 were replaced because a certain someone, who will be referred to as "Chuck" to protect his identity, was too lazy to go all the way to the kitchen (you know, all 30 steps away) for more water when it ran out, so he simply refilled the iron with the closest unfinished glass of water left on a side table in the living room.

...which happened to be full of SPRITE.

He did this twice. Really.
Do you know what happens to sugar when it burns?
It turns brown and it smells terrible.
The pooping iron strikes again.

Twice.

The 4th iron was ruined in a similar fashion....this time, "Chuck" got smart, and rather than emptying a drinking glass into the iron (we all know what happens there), he opened the Spray Bottle on the ironing board, and poured the remaining water from it into the iron.



....unfortunately, his genius plan did not include reading the word, "STARCH" written in tiny letters with a sharpie on the side of the spray bottle.

I actually rescued this iron by rinsing it out about 1,000,000,000 times, and it worked OK after that....but it was dropped a few months later and landed in just a way that the plastic cracked.

In "Chuck's" defense, when he was growing up, they didn't put water in their iron, they sprayed the clothes with a water from a spray bottle, then pressed them out, so you can see how he could have easily made this mistake. Also, my mother in law is an amazing wife and mother and irons for her loved ones. I sleep while my husband irons his own clothes every morning.

The last iron must have fallen off the ironing board enough times that it just quit working. The heating element only worked sporadically, and without consistent heat, it was useless.

Enter the EVIL iron. (dun dun dun....)

It's like it knows it is coming to our house to die, so it is going to make us miserable until we finish it off.

Meet the Shark Euro-Pro GI408Z Lightweight Professional Iron with Stainless-Steel

aka the NOISIEST IRON EVER. MADE.
and I know irons!

I used to sleep while my husband ironed his clothes every morning. Now, I am startled and come flying out of bed like a bat out of Hell.

I can sleep through Aaron's alarm, the shower, toilet, and even the light being turned on.

But the steam feature on this iron sounds like a whip....which is what wakes me up every morning. It's like waking up in a freaking prison camp.

That's not even the worst part! After I realize where I am, wipe the sweat from my forehead, scowl at Aaron for buying the worst iron ever, scowl at the iron, because I think it knows it freaks me out, I lay down and attempt to go back to sleep.

And that is when the worst noise ever happens. Every time you turn the iron upright again, it gags out the most terrible sound, at top volume, and it echoes through my entire home at 5am.

It's the pre-vomit gurgle sound.

It's the sucking through a straw on a near empty beverage sound.

It's a clogged toilet sound.

It's the freight train slowing to a stop sound.

In your bedroom.

It is SO. VERY. LOUD.

It's the sound of death by iron.
I'm not sure who is going to go first.