There are big things happening in the Willy House. Years of contemplation and
knowing it wasn't time to act changed almost overnight into "Act. Act right now." about a year ago.
We made the "inquiry" call to DCFS in Littke Rock with shaking hands in November 2015.
We are adding to our family!
The process began with papers and phone calls and visits, lather, rinse repeat.
Then training.
Many weeknights and a few Saturdays in May and June were spent in Fayetteville at PRIDE training.
Our 2nd home study (the big one where we are interviewed together and as individuals for several hours) landed right smack in the middle of our kitchen remodel (remember that week my washer broke and flooded the laundry room and I had holes in my floors, walls, and ceilings? Yeah it was that week), which proved to be inconvenient at best, but we decided we are who we are. This is our best, and it is enough. I didn't mop my floors or have fresh flowers on the table for social worker. Sloane spent the entire visit sitting on top of the kitchen table that she had just learned how to climb upon. Somehow, with our many imperfections and wild child antics that day, we managed to "pass" with only a few minor changes to make (like instal countertops and finish fixing the hole in our floor. Hahahaha)
One might think, "your home is safe for your own five kids, surely it's fine to foster." But that's not necessarily the case. And sure, we already know how to be parents, we ought to not need a "parenting" class, but this is also not the case. The children removed from a home by DHS have been neglected, been abused, experienced trauma, lived in an unsafe environment with unsafe people or all of the above. Once the state takes custody of these children, they cannot risk placing them in a home where they could experience any of that again. That's why the two rounds of background checks and a dozen references and 30 hours of training. The classes weren't "how to be parents" classes, they were "how to love, care for, and accept a foster child" classes. They were informative and gut wrenching and emotionally engaging and thought provoking and discouraging and fascinating. They were an important piece of our preparation and so is are the home studies.
Some of the things we did (both before and after the first home study) in preparation for our house to "open" were:
-Create a family fire escape plan and tornado safety plan and post them in the house.
-Have a fire drill.
-replace/upgrade our Carbon Monoxide detector.
-upgrade/replace the fire extinguisher
-post a list of emergency numbers in the house.
-beef up the first aid kits (roller bandages, gloves, CPR mouth guards, a huge box of sterile alcohol wipes, lots more band aids, etc)
-lock the kitchen drawers and cabinets
-lock all the motor oil and gasoline, lighter fluid,hedge trimmers (and basically everything) in the garage cabinets
- put up box knives, drills and screwdrivers on higher shelves in containers with snap lids.
-Put all of our meds (including antacids, sunscreen, and aloe with lidocaine) in boxes with combination locks
Get a new (to us) fireplace cover that was large enough to clear the opening by 6 inches, heavier in weight than our previous one, and has a latched swinging door on the front. I scored this awesome pre owned one online on a church community Facebook page for $40! Yes!
-rearrange some bedroom furniture
-shorten the mini blind cords in the kids rooms and parlor
-replace/upgrade the baby gate on the basement stair well.
-clear closet space in Soren's old bedroom.
-get a bed/crib and a new car seat (these are the only things we are waiting todo until we have a placement in our home, since we don't know what size/kind we will need until we know more about the "size/kind" new person living with us will be and what his or her needs will be. I figure I'll end up running to Walmart and picking up a crib and car seat on our way to DHS to pick up our new family member.)
Aaron and I also took an Adult and Pediatric First Aid/CPR/AED course and received our certification last week! Yay!
We totally saved this kid's life. ;). I felt empowered learning how to use an AED and left the class feeling very confident that I could apply the skills I had just learned if I needed to in a real life emergency situation.
And then there was the paper work. Every 6-8 weeks a new packet of forms of some kind was due. Moving paperwork is not my favorite thing. We had all of our personal information (socials, bank statements, birth certificates. Drivers licenses, home address, etc) get "lost in the mail" (we overnight mailed them to Little Rock" and then another batch of forms was misplaced between Little Rock and Fayetteville. I can't blame the social workers. They are over worked, underpaid and under staffed. Frustrated, I made copies of everything in the next (and largest) packet and sent it in by HAND DELIVERY by my friend, Jeddi, who works for DCFS.
-We had physicals done for each family member.
-I gathered the medical clearance, immunization records for each family member, as well as driving records and copies of licenses and insurance policies, non-smoking compliance, six references and two committed "support families", background checks and about a zillion forms needed to signed with a notary public. We spent a few of Aaron's lunch hours meeting at the bank getting things notarized.
-at our final walk through, more paperwork was somehow missing. I cried and cried to Heavenly Father. Why is He asking us to do this for His children right now, when we are already overwhelmed? Only to have so many setbacks before we've even begun?
I pondered this all conference weekend. For the past year, every person who points out my full hands, the fact that I am arriving late, tired, or someone in my family is out of sorts, I feel a tiny sting of inadequacy accepting this call. The initial response from most people we've told has not been positive.
I came to terms of acceptance with this over the weekend during our final setback. "Keep trying. Don't quit. You know this is what you are supposed to do." Became my mantra as I rescheduled and resubmitted papers, took the boys to new well visits for more immunizations and new general medical reports, had my new insurance policy resubmitted, and printed off and submitted our taxes for the millionth time and sometimes wondered why didn't the Lord let this process be easy for us, to thank us for doing His will? That's not how it works and we already know it. But the reminder also strengthened my knowledge that even though we are not free from trials and seemingly unnecessary burdens and setbacks, we are given everything we need. We are not super humans, a perfect family, or doing this for some kind of financial gain/social glory. We know this can and probably will be a challenge that we may or may not he ready for. The next year might not be seamless and yes, some of our children might have to sacrifice some of our attention. These concerns, (along with many totally inappropriate "concerns"), have been expressed by friends, neighbors, and family members to us and to our children. We are not out to impress anyone. We know that this coming year might not look perfect. In fact, it might look like a circus around here. We trust that Heavenly Father knows this and this is exactly what it's supposed to look like for us. We know it might be a challenge and a sacrifice, but the decision to obey what we know with zero doubt to be God's will for us was not a difficult decision to make. We will take the hits and make sacrifices so some precious child does not have to.
The question I get most often is: "how are you going to do this?" And I can honestly say I have absolutely no plan and no idea! I know that I can trust Heavenly Father to provide a way. That's how, I guess. He will qualify my family for the call. We feel grateful and excited as any new parents. We have a missing piece(s) waiting for us.
And finally, after a year of active preparation, it is happening! We are adding to our family, for a time, or maybe for forever. Our arms, minds, hearts, and home are open wide.
We are approved foster/adoptive parents!
